Wish I lived in fantasy land!

Last night (tonight/this morning?) gaming session was awesome.Fantabulously so!
Larry did a great job and wow.
I just can't get over how tense it was. He'd gone out of the way to get some mood music and set the lights low in the basement. It was creepy, cold (thanks to the AC) and spooky. Jean managed to wrack up some major pointage (who says girls can't play dirty, huh?) and I think by next session or two she'll be up a level. No so for my character, but that's ok. I'm still on a buzz, it was great. Plus we had major snack-age. Yum! And after Trin, Jean, Jeff, Wendy and I all went to Perkins for coffee. It was way late when we finished, but Wendy was talking about how her classes are (she's at RIT doing scary computer tech shit) and Trin was talking about how the Dungeon and how it'd be cool if with all the new/old 3-d tech they did a D&D type movie with it. Like the superhero movies that are coming out, but you know, with dragons and wizards. I'd definitely go and see it (well, as long as it was better than some of the crap fantasy movies that came out in the past, anyway).
Nights like this totally make up for the nights I have to spend studying algebra and crap.

Sewing for the boob-challenged

Remember I mentioned a while back that Jeff said he was gonna try to set up something with the LARPers over in Genesee Junction? Well it looks like it'll be next month. Yay!
The basics of it are that essentially our group is arriving at the High Court of Muckey Muck (Yea I didn't pay a lot of attention to that) and that we'll need some various supplies, as well as "court acceptable" costumes! Woo, right?

Last time we had a session of larping was in an Elven court and the only courtly clothes I could find was an old prom dress from goodwill. (Jean said it was ok, but Galadriel's gown it wasn't) So this gives me a chance to put something better together. And thanks to Jeans mom, I actually have some fabric to do it with.

So I'm sketching out some ideas, the only thing is that I'm "bosomy" (errgh) and they stick out and all those nice a-line dress patterns don't look right when I try to adapt them to me. Jean has an old pattern (the ones that simplicity put out when the first LOTR movies came out) and it works great for her (cos she's small and petite and shaped right). I can't use it for me so Jean and I are working on drafting a pattern for me this week after school (and around the stupid tutoring sessions) and I want to have the mock up done asap. Thanks to Jeans mom (again!) for giving us some of the old sheets to cut up and use. I didn't want to risk the blue fabric and find out I'd screwed up, you know?

Otherwise, things have been going ok. Josie & Co have been leaving me alone (totally blanking me--which I prefer so I think I'm happy!) and Shay's still away doing her training or whatever.
I'll update with my sewing stuff asap!

Make sense of it, huh?

How can someone so cute be so interested in something as dull and boring as math?
I met Randi today after school in the public library.
He definitely falls into the hottie category. Very easy on the eyes.
So please, can someone tell me why he would be a total and utter math geek?
(I probably shouldn't judge since I'm an english geek, I guess)
But I'm pretty sure my eyes don't light up and get all excited looking when I talk about noun-verb sentence structure and crap.  Randi on the other hand--he starts talking about algebra (he thinks it won't be any trouble to get me up to speed) he gets all happy looking--it makes me wonder if Math is like pron to him, or what.
So our first session was 15 bucks, and I have to have two of them a week (35 bucks. See, I can so do math!) This comes out of the already small "allowance" that I get from Shay via Jean's folks. It sucks, but there it is. This means less money for Larp garb, food, treats & books.
Just for stupid math, for a GPA that I don't know if it really matters anything about in the long run.
Looking on the bright side, at least Randi is nice to look at. And he's pretty patient too.

All good things come to an end

So I didn't post at all during the break. Sue me. I was really busy, between sewing new garb for larp-ing, hanging out with Jean, and reading. It was really great to have a break from all the BS. On the other hand, I also got a new math tutor, and had to talk to Shay for a bit.

First, about Shay: she basically called to tell me she was going on some kind of course for work and that she'd be out of contact for like 2 weeks or more. Big deal. Like I want to talk to her anyway, you know? She bitched about me needing new glasses (no surprise there), and she gave me the info for the tutor. His name is Randi, and he's a student at Kensington Prep. Apparently he's super math-geek. So whatever. I'm supposed to meet up with him on Monday (this week.)

Good news, is that Jean's mom finally caved in about wrecking our larp outfits in the wash last month. So she took us to Joanne Fabrics, and then to Patricia's Fabric House. Talk about some awesome fabrics! I can't imagine the day I'd ever be able to pay 20$ for a yard of fabric (oh, but it was sooooo gorgeous!) I can dream about that though. Gorgeous. So she told us that we could each have 50 bucks to spend to replace what was ruined. That's just way cool. Shay would never _ever_ do something like that.
Jean got a couple of different things, and I managed to find some nice blue fabric--enough to make an arwen type dress out of, and some brown & black fabric that I'm going to use to make a replacement tunic out of. Jean and I went halves on two spools of trim (it's awesome old gold looking on black with smaller bits of brighter gold all in a kind of semi woven/wavy pattern) then after that we hit the Goodwill and Jean found a pair of drapes made of velveteen  and I found an old pewter mug. Awesome, right?

So we've got a lot of sewing to do! Yay!

This week could we end the world?

So much for being optimistic.
The whole Josie thing blew up and made it the week from hell. First, the whole BS with my underwear, then Shay with the tutoring *which is supposed to happen 2x a week* and then more with stupid Josie and Kirk the assholes who lord it over the rest of us nobodies.

I'm not gonna go into it all in much detail (I really would like to erase the whole thing from my brain) but it's Friday afternoon, I'm hiding in the library with my laptop, and I'm just gonna stay here for a while. Once I know most of the kids have gone home (about half an hour or so) I'll leave and catch the city bus home. Besides, I want to get this out of my system before tomorrow's gaming session.

Josie, Pam & Tina Fay cornered me in the 2nd floor girls bathroom Thursday morning. I was on a hall pass from Kimball's Algebra (My eyes were glazing over and I'm pretty sure I drooled on the desk. Yea, I was falling asleep. So I figured the best thing to do was just get up and throw water on my face etc.) Doing that's been the only thing that's kept me awake at all this semester. Something about math just makes my brain shut down.

Back to the bathroom. I was in there washing my face when who comes in but the posse? So I'm uncomfortable, but I figure I'll just brazen it out, and get back to class. I mean, what can they really do that they haven't already? (throwing soda on me, pulling my shorts down, mocking me in general) but I was wrong. There's ALWAYS something else they can do.

Tina Fay says something like :"Look what dragged itself into our Ladies Room" and of course then the other two start laughing. I shouldn't really have been afraid, but Pam's something of an amazon and I have no doubt she'd take me down without putting  a hair out of place, or breaking a nail. And her nails have a rep around school. I didn't say anything, just started for the door when Pam grabbed my shoulder and swung me around.

"Din't anyone ever tell you it's rude to turn your back?" and the next thing I know, she's got my arm twisted behind my back and is making me kneel on the floor.  It's painful. I don't care what people say about "oh it's only twisted arm, it can't hurt that much." Screw you! It hurts like a bastard! Anyway, I'm kneeling on the crappy tile floor (it's gross. Supposed to be white and green, but it's like grey and algae colored from age and too many uses).  I'm pretty sure at this point that one of them is gonna try to hit me. But no. Instead, Josie puts her face in mine and just stares at me.
I mean, wtf?
So I start thinking maybe this'll be ok.(aside from the arm thing, and the fact that my jeans are getting all icky from the floor).
I was wrong.

Tina Fay stepped forward, looked me in the eyes and then grabbed my hair and yanked my head sideways. I felt hair rip out of my head and my eyes teared up (I've made it a big thing to not cry at school if I can help it since it just makes jackals like them get more excited).

Then Josie says to me: "You're a lot of trouble, Raven. You don't really understand how kind we've been to you." I really wanted to spit in her face--you know, like the hero does in the movies--but I was pretty sure if I did I was gonna get the shit beat out of me. So maybe next time (after I study some kind of secret martial art, yea?) instead I just said "It sure doesn't seem like it from where I am."  She got this weird little smile on her face and I swear, I think she was getting off on it. Freak.
"Do you know, Kirk and his teammates are more than willing for you to entertain them. All I'd have to do is have Pammy cart you off behind the gym. Text 'em and they'd line up for a go at you. If I were a mean girl, I'd do it just to watch."


Was this for real? Was I trapped in some kind of horrible, reform school/B movie? She might do it. Like I said, Josie likes to see how people squirm. And I had no doubt that the guys on the team would be up for it. I wouldn't but I'm sure that wouldn't matter. Was Josie that screwed up? I don't know, but I knew I didn't want to take the chance. So I did what anyone (who isn't a super hero) did, which is I played the way she wanted.


"Please, I don't--please don't!" I'm embarrassed to say that the desperation that was in my voice wasn't faked. I really didn't want to end up another legend of the school. And I'm sure that people'd love to see it as a follow up to the panty show. :{ I (apparently) was reacting the way she wanted because Josie stroked my face once, and then lifted my head up by my chin. I could feel the tears in my eyes (that arm hold was really throbbing and I was afraid. I think it's ok to be afraid in that situation, don't you?)

The door to the bathroom opened and a freshman came in. I've never seen such a quick turn around and exit. So much for help from that quarter. Not that I really expected it, but it would have been nice, you know?

Josie looked into my eyes and then she slapped my face hard. Then she did it again, and  I mean like really hard. And I felt her ring scrape the skin on my face. Another slap. And another. Things went a bit screwy for me then, and I guess I must have said or did something that freaked them out because the next thing I know Josie & Tina Fay were backing up toward the door and looking all pale and scared, and Pam was lying on the ground with blood coming out of her nose. WTF?

 I tried to say something but I just stared and felt all shaky. I was trembling. The looks they were giving me were like I was going to rip their throats out or something. I didn't know about doing that--but I figured I'd take the advantage and make a swift exit.

I scrambled to my feet, shoved them both out of my way and sprinted down the corridor.
I ran downstairs to my locker, and grabbed my backpack, my laptop and snuck out of school. I took the bus to the city library. There was no way I was gonna go back to school, and I hung out there until about 7pm (Jean called to find out where I was).

I'm still not sure exactly what happened, or why, or what Josie's beef is with me, but maybe whatever it is that happened to put that look on their faces will be enough to keep her from bothering me again.
I just wish I knew what it was.

Need I say that I did NOT want to go to school today? Yea, it's friday, and yea, it's spring break next week (Yay, a week of reading and avoiding mockery & physical weirdness, thank you universe!). But I'll tell you honestly, I've been scared since yesterday. I'm on edge and shaky. Jean commented about it, and I gave her a super watered down version (nothing she can do about it so why tell her too much, you know?) and she was sure that I'd be fine and that Josie & co were just screwing with my head.

Today, I didn't hold out a lotta hope. Things didn't seem too bad. Started on a good note by the fact that Josie wasn't in homeroom. Which meant at least I didn't have to face her first thing. In fact, I didn't see her or Pam, or Tina Fay today. huh. In English I got my paper back on Vanity Fair and did ok. Ms.Hyde doesn't like to give anything over a B so getting an A- is pretty good. Got my math test back and did not get a B. I got a freakin C-.

Anyway, between 5-6th period I was in my locker and someone shoved me really hard. I hid my head on the shelf, cut my cheek AND ended up screwing up my glasses frames. So I'd had to find some tape to hold the arm back on. Assholes. I don't know how I'm going to explain that to Shay. ugh.
It's almost time to head home (can I say again, how glad I am that my last class of the day is a study hall?) and I'm going to totally eat whatever I want this weekend. I need some treats to make up for the crapload of horror this week has been.

In another 40 minutes it'll be time to leave and I'm so going to ditch the school bus, stop off at 7-11 and buy a giant ass slurpee. I deserve it!

Books and Me: a writer wannabe

I don't mention it a lot, but I do a massive amount of reading.
I read between classes, during lunch, on the bus home, at home, in the bathroom, in bed. Whatever. I do watch TV but not so much. (Partly because watching the TV means doing it in the den with whoever is in there) and partly because not so much of it appeals to me.  Yea, I guess I'm a TV snob. I said it, you happy now?

Back to the books. Real, paper books. I don't have a kindle or an ipad or a nook (maybe for xmas??)
I'm a student & I'm strapped for cash most of the time. So what I read either comes from the city library, the school library (which is teh suck), and the few gifts I get from my friends (they all know I love gift cards to B&N & Amazon more than anything else).  And hey, I'm careful about those--when I buy books on amazon I buy used, and I try to get as much as I can for as little as I can.  (Don't even go there with me about getting a part time job, ok? Shay won't let me, and keeping up my gpa (it's 3.89--not 4.0 yet) so whatever.

I randomly picked some books last month. I got them in the mail and been slowly working my way through them (slowly is the operative term-I can read a 500 page novel in less than a day, so I have to limit myself to how much I can read each day--otherwise I'm stuck with no books to read. *sigh *

I picked these up:
The Seer King (Chris Bunch)
The Demon King (Chris Bunch)
Storm Front (Jim Butcher)

I just finished the Seer King this weekend and it was pretty good. I like his writing style even if, I'm not all that interested in the war related bits (which ok, do make up a lot of the story). I like the fact that it moves quickly, and that all the different cultures/societies/sets he uses feel real, like you could find whole other books related to them (there aren't though).  The main protagonist is Damastes a Cimabue, basically a warrior who means well, loves his job and is struggling with his oaths to his friend/boss Liahs Tenedos. I'm not gonna spoil the book for you (incase anyone reads it) but it was good, and I started the sequel tonight. Yea, I know I'm kind of screwed since I didn't buy the last one in the series and it'll be a few weeks /month or so before I get enough to buy more from Amazon.
I always have that problem. One word of warning, there's at least one really steamy sex scene in it that I'd be worried if jean's parent's read it. So don't read it in class, yea?

Jim Butcher's Stormfront was really a lot better than I thought it would be. It moved at a pretty good pace (Thanks Jeff for suggesting them) and Harry Dresden is actually a guy I'd give a damn about if something happened to him in the story. The humor and dry wit in the book go a long way, as does the action. Yea. I don't generally go in for detective /crime novels but since this is a wizard detective it was worth a go. Am glad I did, though I'm gonna have to find more money to get more of the series. There're about 11 books in the series so far. Heh.

Anyway, it's time for dinner soon and it's "family night" here at the Warner household. So I gotta go down and do the family thing with Jean & her parents. See ya.

Why do I bother?

You've got to ask yourself sometimes, why bother?
I really can't explain why I didn't skip school today.
I should have.
It'd have been a much better day, and maybe, just maybe I'd feel ok. Instead I'm here, in Jean's room, stuffing my face with hostess cupcakes, pringles, Swiss rolls and coke. And I'll probably balloon up 10 pounds next week. Oh yay.

I wish I could explain to Jean's folks what's going on. Jean gets it, but she's sort of stuck. If she opens her mouth against Josie & Co then they'll start in on her, and well, who wants that?

 So after yesterday, I really didn't think things could be worse--or more embarrassing.
I was wrong. I doubt I could have been more wrong if I'd tried.

Let me explain something. Josie Carson is evil. And she's probably one of the reasons my sister put a block on my talents before our folks went MIA. Josie lives to make people miserable. Not (IMO) because she wants to see them miserable, so much as I think she likes to see them squirm and try to cope with the problems she gives them. Now I managed to get her attention and I'm so much fun to watch that I'm getting the special treatment.

 Enter Tina Fay and Pam. In the gym hallway. Tina Fay and Pam came down the hallway between 3/4th period. It was pretty crowded with kids going to and coming out of the locker-rooms.  To be honest I wasn't really watching, since I was in a hurry to get to the locker-room myself. I like to get in and get changed before too many girls get in. I don;'t like changing in public, you know? I had my clean gym clothes with me in my back pack and I was just hoping since it was raining we'd do some free-play in the gym instead of v-ball or something spaztic like dodge ball.

I really should have paid attention.
I got into the girls locker-room and I threw my bag down and started to change.
I was hurrying up--shucking off my jeans, slipping on my shorts and then the fast-pull off of my sweater and on with the school tee shirt (Go Panthers! *not!*) anyway, I was trying to hurry back into the gym (through the hallway again) and wondering if Marie was going to be in class today (since she was my preferred gym partner)  and the next thing I know someone's got my shorts and I feel like a little kid. I'm trying to move forward----but no movement.
It dawns on me about the same time the air hits my ass that there are hands --well Tina Fay and Pam had grabbed and yanked and my shorts were down and everyone could see super-clearly my wal-mart granny panties. I yanked my shorts back up and shoved past the pair of them, but I know anyone who was in the hall would have seen.

The rest of the day I kept getting asked if I was going to start modeling for Victorias Secret--or if the secret was the size of my pants! I'm so embarrassed, angry and frustrated. I'd kill Tina Fay in a heartbeat if she was in front of me and I could get away with it. But as it is, I know that Josie put her and Pam upto it, told them to do it. I'm sure there are photos of it on youtube or facebook by now.

I'm just glad it's friday, and I don't have to face those jerks for the weekend.  Jean's trying to cheer me up, and suggested we hit JoAnn Fabrics tomorrow. She thinks we might find some new trim to put on our larping garb. Right now though, I wish I could just be invisible for the rest of the school year.

Blarg. Or when things just go terribly wrong

Jean's mom must have meant well, but she went through our room (since Jean & I share) and she found our larping stuff that we'd put to one side. She threw it in the wash and my tunic is totally wrecked. >:()

The trim came off (raveled up and frayed at the same time--I don't know how it managed that) and it shrank. A lot. So now I have to make a new outfit. I'm trying to get jean to help me guilt her mom into paying for the fabric and stuff. I mean, if she hadn't touched it, I'd still have it--and be able to wear it, right?

At least I have a few weeks to get things sorted. Jeff's not gonna run the next larp until then.
Anyway, I need to get ready for school. Yesterday I didn't see Josie around and her minions left me alone for the most part. Except for the underwear remarks. I can handle those though. Let's hope today goes ok.

Math trouble = Money trouble

So I'm totally not doing ok in Algebra.
I ought to be doing much better but I can't quite get it. I think it's stupid that I have to take the class (and pass it) since I don't want to be a scientist, or a math geek. I just want to write. You don't have to do much math for that---and besides, that's what calculators are for, right?

Anyway, my interim report put me into trouble. I don't think Jean's parents care too much one way or the other, but the fact that they made me call Shay with the results is another thing all together. Shay, predictably, went apeshit. On & on with the lecture about how was I going to get into a college with that kind of grade, and did I really think my GPA was going to be enough to get me any kind of financial aid package? And on. Ad nauseum.

So now I have to get a tutor.
And yea, I DON'T think that a C is hideous. I mean, it could be a lot worse (like an F). Shay's going to call the school tomorrow and arrange something. Blerg. I don't want to give up any of my free time to sit down and do extra math. It sucks. Plus Shay was on about how tutoring will be expensive & I need to pay extra attention etc so that I won't need so much of it. Money, money, money.
If I were rich I'd buy a place in the Catskills and live there and just write books and drink coke & eat Ben & Jerry's!

Why can't people just mind their own business?

What is it that makes the popular people at school feel they are entitled to make everyone else's life hell?

Come on, really?

*sigh* Today was totally a crap day.
First there was a pop quiz in chemistry (I totally blanked, so I'm sure it's a big fat F for me) and then Josie's crowd started in on me. One of her evil eagle eyed lackeys saw me out with the group Larping. So they've been snarking at me all day about how I like to dress up and "play pretend". Assholes.

Hello, I don't go looking to catch them out.
I bet if I did I'd find out that Josie blows the whole football team 3x a week (actually, I think I did hear something about that, but ....) You know what I'm saying, right?

Would it be terribly bad karma if I just begged the universe to drop a house on Josie & her clique?