So much for being optimistic.
The whole Josie thing blew up and made it the week from hell. First, the whole BS with my underwear, then Shay with the tutoring *which is supposed to happen 2x a week* and then more with stupid Josie and Kirk the assholes who lord it over the rest of us nobodies.
I'm not gonna go into it all in much detail (I really would like to erase the whole thing from my brain) but it's Friday afternoon, I'm hiding in the library with my laptop, and I'm just gonna stay here for a while. Once I know most of the kids have gone home (about half an hour or so) I'll leave and catch the city bus home. Besides, I want to get this out of my system before tomorrow's gaming session.
Josie, Pam & Tina Fay cornered me in the 2nd floor girls bathroom Thursday morning. I was on a hall pass from Kimball's Algebra (My eyes were glazing over and I'm pretty sure I drooled on the desk. Yea, I was falling asleep. So I figured the best thing to do was just get up and throw water on my face etc.) Doing that's been the only thing that's kept me awake at all this semester. Something about math just makes my brain shut down.
Back to the bathroom. I was in there washing my face when who comes in but the posse? So I'm uncomfortable, but I figure I'll just brazen it out, and get back to class. I mean, what can they really do that they haven't already? (throwing soda on me, pulling my shorts down, mocking me in general) but I was wrong. There's ALWAYS something else they can do.
Tina Fay says something like :"Look what dragged itself into our Ladies Room" and of course then the other two start laughing. I shouldn't really have been afraid, but Pam's something of an amazon and I have no doubt she'd take me down without putting a hair out of place, or breaking a nail. And her nails have a rep around school. I didn't say anything, just started for the door when Pam grabbed my shoulder and swung me around.
"Din't anyone ever tell you it's rude to turn your back?" and the next thing I know, she's got my arm twisted behind my back and is making me kneel on the floor. It's painful. I don't care what people say about "oh it's only twisted arm, it can't hurt that much." Screw you! It hurts like a bastard! Anyway, I'm kneeling on the crappy tile floor (it's gross. Supposed to be white and green, but it's like grey and algae colored from age and too many uses). I'm pretty sure at this point that one of them is gonna try to hit me. But no. Instead, Josie puts her face in mine and just stares at me.
I mean, wtf?
So I start thinking maybe this'll be ok.(aside from the arm thing, and the fact that my jeans are getting all icky from the floor).
I was wrong.
Tina Fay stepped forward, looked me in the eyes and then grabbed my hair and yanked my head sideways. I felt hair rip out of my head and my eyes teared up (I've made it a big thing to not cry at school if I can help it since it just makes jackals like them get more excited).
Then Josie says to me: "You're a lot of trouble, Raven. You don't really understand how kind we've been to you." I really wanted to spit in her face--you know, like the hero does in the movies--but I was pretty sure if I did I was gonna get the shit beat out of me. So maybe next time (after I study some kind of secret martial art, yea?) instead I just said "It sure doesn't seem like it from where I am." She got this weird little smile on her face and I swear, I think she was getting off on it. Freak.
"Do you know, Kirk and his teammates are more than willing for you to entertain them. All I'd have to do is have Pammy cart you off behind the gym. Text 'em and they'd line up for a go at you. If I were a mean girl, I'd do it just to watch."
Was this for real? Was I trapped in some kind of horrible, reform school/B movie? She might do it. Like I said, Josie likes to see how people squirm. And I had no doubt that the guys on the team would be up for it. I wouldn't but I'm sure that wouldn't matter. Was Josie that screwed up? I don't know, but I knew I didn't want to take the chance. So I did what anyone (who isn't a super hero) did, which is I played the way she wanted.
"Please, I don't--please don't!" I'm embarrassed to say that the desperation that was in my voice wasn't faked. I really didn't want to end up another legend of the school. And I'm sure that people'd love to see it as a follow up to the panty show. :{ I (apparently) was reacting the way she wanted because Josie stroked my face once, and then lifted my head up by my chin. I could feel the tears in my eyes (that arm hold was really throbbing and I was afraid. I think it's ok to be afraid in that situation, don't you?)
The door to the bathroom opened and a freshman came in. I've never seen such a quick turn around and exit. So much for help from that quarter. Not that I really expected it, but it would have been nice, you know?
Josie looked into my eyes and then she slapped my face hard. Then she did it again, and I mean like really hard. And I felt her ring scrape the skin on my face. Another slap. And another. Things went a bit screwy for me then, and I guess I must have said or did something that freaked them out because the next thing I know Josie & Tina Fay were backing up toward the door and looking all pale and scared, and Pam was lying on the ground with blood coming out of her nose. WTF?
I tried to say something but I just stared and felt all shaky. I was trembling. The looks they were giving me were like I was going to rip their throats out or something. I didn't know about doing that--but I figured I'd take the advantage and make a swift exit.
I scrambled to my feet, shoved them both out of my way and sprinted down the corridor.
I ran downstairs to my locker, and grabbed my backpack, my laptop and snuck out of school. I took the bus to the city library. There was no way I was gonna go back to school, and I hung out there until about 7pm (Jean called to find out where I was).
I'm still not sure exactly what happened, or why, or what Josie's beef is with me, but maybe whatever it is that happened to put that look on their faces will be enough to keep her from bothering me again.
I just wish I knew what it was.
Need I say that I did NOT want to go to school today? Yea, it's friday, and yea, it's spring break next week (Yay, a week of reading and avoiding mockery & physical weirdness, thank you universe!). But I'll tell you honestly, I've been scared since yesterday. I'm on edge and shaky. Jean commented about it, and I gave her a super watered down version (nothing she can do about it so why tell her too much, you know?) and she was sure that I'd be fine and that Josie & co were just screwing with my head.
Today, I didn't hold out a lotta hope. Things didn't seem too bad. Started on a good note by the fact that Josie wasn't in homeroom. Which meant at least I didn't have to face her first thing. In fact, I didn't see her or Pam, or Tina Fay today. huh. In English I got my paper back on Vanity Fair and did ok. Ms.Hyde doesn't like to give anything over a B so getting an A- is pretty good. Got my math test back and did not get a B. I got a freakin C-.
Anyway, between 5-6th period I was in my locker and someone shoved me really hard. I hid my head on the shelf, cut my cheek AND ended up screwing up my glasses frames. So I'd had to find some tape to hold the arm back on. Assholes. I don't know how I'm going to explain that to Shay. ugh.
It's almost time to head home (can I say again, how glad I am that my last class of the day is a study hall?) and I'm going to totally eat whatever I want this weekend. I need some treats to make up for the crapload of horror this week has been.
In another 40 minutes it'll be time to leave and I'm so going to ditch the school bus, stop off at 7-11 and buy a giant ass slurpee. I deserve it!
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