Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Wish it would rain

Sometimes I feel so damned lonely.
It's not just that I feel cut off --my folks are gone MIA -- my grandma is half way across the country and in a nursing home...my uber-controlling sister is 200+miles away.
It hurts sometimes, to watch Jean & her family.
They all seem so love-y-friendly-happy. Even when her parents are pissed off, you can still tell that they love her and Rob. I just feel like an outsider looking in. Seeing something I'll never have/never be a real part of.

Don't get me wrong. I'm really glad that they were willing to take me in (even if, I guess my folks had arranged for them to get some money each month for doing it--like rent/ food money). It's just that I really wish I had someplace to fit in, and to really be "at home".  I guess I should look at it in the best way I can, which is it hasn't killed me (yet) so it should give me good material for when I want to write about an outcast/ unwanted character for a story.
I just wish I wasn't living it.

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