Soooo. Randi picked me up tonight and we went over to Cinema 12 to catch Iron Man 3.
I was totally excited and trying not to be. Partly because well, Robert Downey JR is hot (even for an old guy!), partly because my date is hot, and hello, I thought--I'm holding the winning ticket! I didn't think it could get better than that, I really didn't.
About the movie...I'm not sure how much I can comment on. It rocked, and I definitely want to see it again (it was even nicer since Randi paid for it and I didn't have to--although I guess I actually did pay for it since I bet he's using the money he gets for tutoring me. Huh. Is that ethical?)
Ok, and at what point to I admit to being more interested in the movie, than in what Randi's arms/hands were doing? I know he's hot, and I assume he knows it too, but we're watching a movie. Like, a movie that was actually interesting AND funny, and every couple of minutes his hands were on my shoulders, or my neck or playing with my hair.
Errr.... Not to be rude, but it was a gooood movie.
I dunno. The opening. I mean, if he was just taking me there to try to make out with me we could have gone another night, one that you know---wasn't packed to overflowing with people? I think the guy sitting next to me was getting irritated by how often I kept shifting in my seat. It wasn't really the romantic sort of place you want to try to get your kiss, you know? Maybe it is if you're an exhibitionist, but I'm not, so it wasn't working for me.
So at about the point that pepper potts was getting thrown across the room Randi leaned in and started kissing my neck. Um...........Um. Um, what?
Fair's fair that OMG it felt good. Ok? I can admit that. (again, I'm not liking the audience being able to see me better than the freakin movie) but at the same time I really just wanted to push him away and smack him. I really, really wanted to see the movie...
On the other hand, I did want to get kissed.
I guess I wanted my cake and the chance to eat it too?
Whatever. We're leaving the movie & heading for his car. He's got a little Nissan, and I wouldn't mind having one like it (yea, right. Shay won't let me have a part time job, she sure as hell won't let me get a car!)
So we're in the car and he turns to me and says, "So what now?"
I think I looked like a dork because I was assuming he was talking about the kissing and stuff. So I shrugged a bit and gave him a smile. Now that we were out of the public eye I didn't mind getting kissed. Instead, he says: "Do you want to go right home, or wanna grab something from Denny's?"
Um. Neither. I wanted the dork to kiss me.
*sigh*
It didn't happen.
So I said Denny's was fine (who can resist a place that serves pancakes 24-7?) and off we went. It wasn't really that bad, or as awkward as I expected, since we sat and pretty much talked about the film. I'm honestly surprised how much he caught of it, considering that he was gnawing on my neck for a lot of it! Who can understand the way guys function? Sure as hell not me!
It turned out ok after all though, since we laughed a lot and joked. He dropped me off, and yes, we actually kissed in the car. Very nice, considering, even if it wasn't particularly romantic or anything.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Something rotten in the state of Denmark
I guess I should have known that things were going too smoothly at school.
Josie & Co have started giving me a hard time again. Or at least I assume it's them. I got to school this morning and someone'd crazyglued a bunch of condoms to my locker. How gross is that? (Jean says I should just be happy they weren't used condoms! Blergh!)
I mean come on, it's not like I sleep around (I'm too afraid to. And besides, I don't think there's anyone in the whole school I'd trust to do that with. And not have it end up on youtube or prontube or whatever).
So what's brought this on?
Is it just the fact that they've left me alone long enough that I thought it was over and now they're starting it up again? Ugh. I so hate it when people screw around with me. I have enough things to worry about. Algebra for one. Finals are next month and while I'm sure I'll pass English & the rest with no problem (ok, a little unsure about my spanish) I'm worried about Math, and Chemistry since I am not concentrating so well and I keep messing up on the practice stuff.
Jean says not to let them get to me, and that if I ignore it that they'll get bored (again) and move on to someone else. I know she's right, but it still grates.
Josie & Co have started giving me a hard time again. Or at least I assume it's them. I got to school this morning and someone'd crazyglued a bunch of condoms to my locker. How gross is that? (Jean says I should just be happy they weren't used condoms! Blergh!)
I mean come on, it's not like I sleep around (I'm too afraid to. And besides, I don't think there's anyone in the whole school I'd trust to do that with. And not have it end up on youtube or prontube or whatever).
So what's brought this on?
Is it just the fact that they've left me alone long enough that I thought it was over and now they're starting it up again? Ugh. I so hate it when people screw around with me. I have enough things to worry about. Algebra for one. Finals are next month and while I'm sure I'll pass English & the rest with no problem (ok, a little unsure about my spanish) I'm worried about Math, and Chemistry since I am not concentrating so well and I keep messing up on the practice stuff.
Jean says not to let them get to me, and that if I ignore it that they'll get bored (again) and move on to someone else. I know she's right, but it still grates.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Maybe I AM living in Fantasy land!
Randi asked me out on a date! Yes, Hot-but-Mathgeek asked me out tonight! *dies with shock*
He said Iron Man 3 opens on Friday, and maybe we should go see it!???!!??????
Wow, am I like excited?
Why, yes, yes I am!
Randi's smart, hot and he's turned out to be a really nice guy (with a lot of patience when it comes to getting that algebra crap to stick in my brain!). Better yet, he's just turned 18 last week (I felt kind of bad I didn't know and gave him a card I made this week). I wonder if the card is what made him ask? So he's 18 and he's got a car--so no bussing it to the movie!
Plus, well, you know, he might just kiss me too!
Ok, now I'm sure I sound like a total dolt.
I'm going to try to focus on something else for a while! Yay! Go me!
He said Iron Man 3 opens on Friday, and maybe we should go see it!???!!??????
Wow, am I like excited?
Why, yes, yes I am!
Randi's smart, hot and he's turned out to be a really nice guy (with a lot of patience when it comes to getting that algebra crap to stick in my brain!). Better yet, he's just turned 18 last week (I felt kind of bad I didn't know and gave him a card I made this week). I wonder if the card is what made him ask? So he's 18 and he's got a car--so no bussing it to the movie!
Plus, well, you know, he might just kiss me too!
Ok, now I'm sure I sound like a total dolt.
I'm going to try to focus on something else for a while! Yay! Go me!
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Wish I lived in fantasy land!
Last night (tonight/this morning?) gaming session was awesome.Fantabulously so!
Larry did a great job and wow.
I just can't get over how tense it was. He'd gone out of the way to get some mood music and set the lights low in the basement. It was creepy, cold (thanks to the AC) and spooky. Jean managed to wrack up some major pointage (who says girls can't play dirty, huh?) and I think by next session or two she'll be up a level. No so for my character, but that's ok. I'm still on a buzz, it was great. Plus we had major snack-age. Yum! And after Trin, Jean, Jeff, Wendy and I all went to Perkins for coffee. It was way late when we finished, but Wendy was talking about how her classes are (she's at RIT doing scary computer tech shit) and Trin was talking about how the Dungeon and how it'd be cool if with all the new/old 3-d tech they did a D&D type movie with it. Like the superhero movies that are coming out, but you know, with dragons and wizards. I'd definitely go and see it (well, as long as it was better than some of the crap fantasy movies that came out in the past, anyway).
Nights like this totally make up for the nights I have to spend studying algebra and crap.
Larry did a great job and wow.
I just can't get over how tense it was. He'd gone out of the way to get some mood music and set the lights low in the basement. It was creepy, cold (thanks to the AC) and spooky. Jean managed to wrack up some major pointage (who says girls can't play dirty, huh?) and I think by next session or two she'll be up a level. No so for my character, but that's ok. I'm still on a buzz, it was great. Plus we had major snack-age. Yum! And after Trin, Jean, Jeff, Wendy and I all went to Perkins for coffee. It was way late when we finished, but Wendy was talking about how her classes are (she's at RIT doing scary computer tech shit) and Trin was talking about how the Dungeon and how it'd be cool if with all the new/old 3-d tech they did a D&D type movie with it. Like the superhero movies that are coming out, but you know, with dragons and wizards. I'd definitely go and see it (well, as long as it was better than some of the crap fantasy movies that came out in the past, anyway).
Nights like this totally make up for the nights I have to spend studying algebra and crap.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Sewing for the boob-challenged
Remember I mentioned a while back that Jeff said he was gonna try to set up something with the LARPers over in Genesee Junction? Well it looks like it'll be next month. Yay!
The basics of it are that essentially our group is arriving at the High Court of Muckey Muck (Yea I didn't pay a lot of attention to that) and that we'll need some various supplies, as well as "court acceptable" costumes! Woo, right?
Last time we had a session of larping was in an Elven court and the only courtly clothes I could find was an old prom dress from goodwill. (Jean said it was ok, but Galadriel's gown it wasn't) So this gives me a chance to put something better together. And thanks to Jeans mom, I actually have some fabric to do it with.
So I'm sketching out some ideas, the only thing is that I'm "bosomy" (errgh) and they stick out and all those nice a-line dress patterns don't look right when I try to adapt them to me. Jean has an old pattern (the ones that simplicity put out when the first LOTR movies came out) and it works great for her (cos she's small and petite and shaped right). I can't use it for me so Jean and I are working on drafting a pattern for me this week after school (and around the stupid tutoring sessions) and I want to have the mock up done asap. Thanks to Jeans mom (again!) for giving us some of the old sheets to cut up and use. I didn't want to risk the blue fabric and find out I'd screwed up, you know?
Otherwise, things have been going ok. Josie & Co have been leaving me alone (totally blanking me--which I prefer so I think I'm happy!) and Shay's still away doing her training or whatever.
I'll update with my sewing stuff asap!
The basics of it are that essentially our group is arriving at the High Court of Muckey Muck (Yea I didn't pay a lot of attention to that) and that we'll need some various supplies, as well as "court acceptable" costumes! Woo, right?
Last time we had a session of larping was in an Elven court and the only courtly clothes I could find was an old prom dress from goodwill. (Jean said it was ok, but Galadriel's gown it wasn't) So this gives me a chance to put something better together. And thanks to Jeans mom, I actually have some fabric to do it with.
So I'm sketching out some ideas, the only thing is that I'm "bosomy" (errgh) and they stick out and all those nice a-line dress patterns don't look right when I try to adapt them to me. Jean has an old pattern (the ones that simplicity put out when the first LOTR movies came out) and it works great for her (cos she's small and petite and shaped right). I can't use it for me so Jean and I are working on drafting a pattern for me this week after school (and around the stupid tutoring sessions) and I want to have the mock up done asap. Thanks to Jeans mom (again!) for giving us some of the old sheets to cut up and use. I didn't want to risk the blue fabric and find out I'd screwed up, you know?
Otherwise, things have been going ok. Josie & Co have been leaving me alone (totally blanking me--which I prefer so I think I'm happy!) and Shay's still away doing her training or whatever.
I'll update with my sewing stuff asap!
Monday, April 22, 2013
Make sense of it, huh?
How can someone so cute be so interested in something as dull and boring as math?
I met Randi today after school in the public library.
He definitely falls into the hottie category. Very easy on the eyes.
So please, can someone tell me why he would be a total and utter math geek?
(I probably shouldn't judge since I'm an english geek, I guess)
But I'm pretty sure my eyes don't light up and get all excited looking when I talk about noun-verb sentence structure and crap. Randi on the other hand--he starts talking about algebra (he thinks it won't be any trouble to get me up to speed) he gets all happy looking--it makes me wonder if Math is like pron to him, or what.
So our first session was 15 bucks, and I have to have two of them a week (35 bucks. See, I can so do math!) This comes out of the already small "allowance" that I get from Shay via Jean's folks. It sucks, but there it is. This means less money for Larp garb, food, treats & books.
Just for stupid math, for a GPA that I don't know if it really matters anything about in the long run.
Looking on the bright side, at least Randi is nice to look at. And he's pretty patient too.
I met Randi today after school in the public library.
He definitely falls into the hottie category. Very easy on the eyes.
So please, can someone tell me why he would be a total and utter math geek?
(I probably shouldn't judge since I'm an english geek, I guess)
But I'm pretty sure my eyes don't light up and get all excited looking when I talk about noun-verb sentence structure and crap. Randi on the other hand--he starts talking about algebra (he thinks it won't be any trouble to get me up to speed) he gets all happy looking--it makes me wonder if Math is like pron to him, or what.
So our first session was 15 bucks, and I have to have two of them a week (35 bucks. See, I can so do math!) This comes out of the already small "allowance" that I get from Shay via Jean's folks. It sucks, but there it is. This means less money for Larp garb, food, treats & books.
Just for stupid math, for a GPA that I don't know if it really matters anything about in the long run.
Looking on the bright side, at least Randi is nice to look at. And he's pretty patient too.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
All good things come to an end
So I didn't post at all during the break. Sue me. I was really busy, between sewing new garb for larp-ing, hanging out with Jean, and reading. It was really great to have a break from all the BS. On the other hand, I also got a new math tutor, and had to talk to Shay for a bit.
First, about Shay: she basically called to tell me she was going on some kind of course for work and that she'd be out of contact for like 2 weeks or more. Big deal. Like I want to talk to her anyway, you know? She bitched about me needing new glasses (no surprise there), and she gave me the info for the tutor. His name is Randi, and he's a student at Kensington Prep. Apparently he's super math-geek. So whatever. I'm supposed to meet up with him on Monday (this week.)
Good news, is that Jean's mom finally caved in about wrecking our larp outfits in the wash last month. So she took us to Joanne Fabrics, and then to Patricia's Fabric House. Talk about some awesome fabrics! I can't imagine the day I'd ever be able to pay 20$ for a yard of fabric (oh, but it was sooooo gorgeous!) I can dream about that though. Gorgeous. So she told us that we could each have 50 bucks to spend to replace what was ruined. That's just way cool. Shay would never _ever_ do something like that.
Jean got a couple of different things, and I managed to find some nice blue fabric--enough to make an arwen type dress out of, and some brown & black fabric that I'm going to use to make a replacement tunic out of. Jean and I went halves on two spools of trim (it's awesome old gold looking on black with smaller bits of brighter gold all in a kind of semi woven/wavy pattern) then after that we hit the Goodwill and Jean found a pair of drapes made of velveteen and I found an old pewter mug. Awesome, right?
So we've got a lot of sewing to do! Yay!
First, about Shay: she basically called to tell me she was going on some kind of course for work and that she'd be out of contact for like 2 weeks or more. Big deal. Like I want to talk to her anyway, you know? She bitched about me needing new glasses (no surprise there), and she gave me the info for the tutor. His name is Randi, and he's a student at Kensington Prep. Apparently he's super math-geek. So whatever. I'm supposed to meet up with him on Monday (this week.)
Good news, is that Jean's mom finally caved in about wrecking our larp outfits in the wash last month. So she took us to Joanne Fabrics, and then to Patricia's Fabric House. Talk about some awesome fabrics! I can't imagine the day I'd ever be able to pay 20$ for a yard of fabric (oh, but it was sooooo gorgeous!) I can dream about that though. Gorgeous. So she told us that we could each have 50 bucks to spend to replace what was ruined. That's just way cool. Shay would never _ever_ do something like that.
Jean got a couple of different things, and I managed to find some nice blue fabric--enough to make an arwen type dress out of, and some brown & black fabric that I'm going to use to make a replacement tunic out of. Jean and I went halves on two spools of trim (it's awesome old gold looking on black with smaller bits of brighter gold all in a kind of semi woven/wavy pattern) then after that we hit the Goodwill and Jean found a pair of drapes made of velveteen and I found an old pewter mug. Awesome, right?
So we've got a lot of sewing to do! Yay!
Friday, April 12, 2013
This week could we end the world?
So much for being optimistic.
The whole Josie thing blew up and made it the week from hell. First, the whole BS with my underwear, then Shay with the tutoring *which is supposed to happen 2x a week* and then more with stupid Josie and Kirk the assholes who lord it over the rest of us nobodies.
I'm not gonna go into it all in much detail (I really would like to erase the whole thing from my brain) but it's Friday afternoon, I'm hiding in the library with my laptop, and I'm just gonna stay here for a while. Once I know most of the kids have gone home (about half an hour or so) I'll leave and catch the city bus home. Besides, I want to get this out of my system before tomorrow's gaming session.
Josie, Pam & Tina Fay cornered me in the 2nd floor girls bathroom Thursday morning. I was on a hall pass from Kimball's Algebra (My eyes were glazing over and I'm pretty sure I drooled on the desk. Yea, I was falling asleep. So I figured the best thing to do was just get up and throw water on my face etc.) Doing that's been the only thing that's kept me awake at all this semester. Something about math just makes my brain shut down.
Back to the bathroom. I was in there washing my face when who comes in but the posse? So I'm uncomfortable, but I figure I'll just brazen it out, and get back to class. I mean, what can they really do that they haven't already? (throwing soda on me, pulling my shorts down, mocking me in general) but I was wrong. There's ALWAYS something else they can do.
Tina Fay says something like :"Look what dragged itself into our Ladies Room" and of course then the other two start laughing. I shouldn't really have been afraid, but Pam's something of an amazon and I have no doubt she'd take me down without putting a hair out of place, or breaking a nail. And her nails have a rep around school. I didn't say anything, just started for the door when Pam grabbed my shoulder and swung me around.
"Din't anyone ever tell you it's rude to turn your back?" and the next thing I know, she's got my arm twisted behind my back and is making me kneel on the floor. It's painful. I don't care what people say about "oh it's only twisted arm, it can't hurt that much." Screw you! It hurts like a bastard! Anyway, I'm kneeling on the crappy tile floor (it's gross. Supposed to be white and green, but it's like grey and algae colored from age and too many uses). I'm pretty sure at this point that one of them is gonna try to hit me. But no. Instead, Josie puts her face in mine and just stares at me.
I mean, wtf?
So I start thinking maybe this'll be ok.(aside from the arm thing, and the fact that my jeans are getting all icky from the floor).
I was wrong.
Tina Fay stepped forward, looked me in the eyes and then grabbed my hair and yanked my head sideways. I felt hair rip out of my head and my eyes teared up (I've made it a big thing to not cry at school if I can help it since it just makes jackals like them get more excited).
Then Josie says to me: "You're a lot of trouble, Raven. You don't really understand how kind we've been to you." I really wanted to spit in her face--you know, like the hero does in the movies--but I was pretty sure if I did I was gonna get the shit beat out of me. So maybe next time (after I study some kind of secret martial art, yea?) instead I just said "It sure doesn't seem like it from where I am." She got this weird little smile on her face and I swear, I think she was getting off on it. Freak.
"Do you know, Kirk and his teammates are more than willing for you to entertain them. All I'd have to do is have Pammy cart you off behind the gym. Text 'em and they'd line up for a go at you. If I were a mean girl, I'd do it just to watch."
Was this for real? Was I trapped in some kind of horrible, reform school/B movie? She might do it. Like I said, Josie likes to see how people squirm. And I had no doubt that the guys on the team would be up for it. I wouldn't but I'm sure that wouldn't matter. Was Josie that screwed up? I don't know, but I knew I didn't want to take the chance. So I did what anyone (who isn't a super hero) did, which is I played the way she wanted.
"Please, I don't--please don't!" I'm embarrassed to say that the desperation that was in my voice wasn't faked. I really didn't want to end up another legend of the school. And I'm sure that people'd love to see it as a follow up to the panty show. :{ I (apparently) was reacting the way she wanted because Josie stroked my face once, and then lifted my head up by my chin. I could feel the tears in my eyes (that arm hold was really throbbing and I was afraid. I think it's ok to be afraid in that situation, don't you?)
The door to the bathroom opened and a freshman came in. I've never seen such a quick turn around and exit. So much for help from that quarter. Not that I really expected it, but it would have been nice, you know?
Josie looked into my eyes and then she slapped my face hard. Then she did it again, and I mean like really hard. And I felt her ring scrape the skin on my face. Another slap. And another. Things went a bit screwy for me then, and I guess I must have said or did something that freaked them out because the next thing I know Josie & Tina Fay were backing up toward the door and looking all pale and scared, and Pam was lying on the ground with blood coming out of her nose. WTF?
I tried to say something but I just stared and felt all shaky. I was trembling. The looks they were giving me were like I was going to rip their throats out or something. I didn't know about doing that--but I figured I'd take the advantage and make a swift exit.
I scrambled to my feet, shoved them both out of my way and sprinted down the corridor.
I ran downstairs to my locker, and grabbed my backpack, my laptop and snuck out of school. I took the bus to the city library. There was no way I was gonna go back to school, and I hung out there until about 7pm (Jean called to find out where I was).
I'm still not sure exactly what happened, or why, or what Josie's beef is with me, but maybe whatever it is that happened to put that look on their faces will be enough to keep her from bothering me again.
I just wish I knew what it was.
Need I say that I did NOT want to go to school today? Yea, it's friday, and yea, it's spring break next week (Yay, a week of reading and avoiding mockery & physical weirdness, thank you universe!). But I'll tell you honestly, I've been scared since yesterday. I'm on edge and shaky. Jean commented about it, and I gave her a super watered down version (nothing she can do about it so why tell her too much, you know?) and she was sure that I'd be fine and that Josie & co were just screwing with my head.
Today, I didn't hold out a lotta hope. Things didn't seem too bad. Started on a good note by the fact that Josie wasn't in homeroom. Which meant at least I didn't have to face her first thing. In fact, I didn't see her or Pam, or Tina Fay today. huh. In English I got my paper back on Vanity Fair and did ok. Ms.Hyde doesn't like to give anything over a B so getting an A- is pretty good. Got my math test back and did not get a B. I got a freakin C-.
Anyway, between 5-6th period I was in my locker and someone shoved me really hard. I hid my head on the shelf, cut my cheek AND ended up screwing up my glasses frames. So I'd had to find some tape to hold the arm back on. Assholes. I don't know how I'm going to explain that to Shay. ugh.
It's almost time to head home (can I say again, how glad I am that my last class of the day is a study hall?) and I'm going to totally eat whatever I want this weekend. I need some treats to make up for the crapload of horror this week has been.
In another 40 minutes it'll be time to leave and I'm so going to ditch the school bus, stop off at 7-11 and buy a giant ass slurpee. I deserve it!
The whole Josie thing blew up and made it the week from hell. First, the whole BS with my underwear, then Shay with the tutoring *which is supposed to happen 2x a week* and then more with stupid Josie and Kirk the assholes who lord it over the rest of us nobodies.
I'm not gonna go into it all in much detail (I really would like to erase the whole thing from my brain) but it's Friday afternoon, I'm hiding in the library with my laptop, and I'm just gonna stay here for a while. Once I know most of the kids have gone home (about half an hour or so) I'll leave and catch the city bus home. Besides, I want to get this out of my system before tomorrow's gaming session.
Josie, Pam & Tina Fay cornered me in the 2nd floor girls bathroom Thursday morning. I was on a hall pass from Kimball's Algebra (My eyes were glazing over and I'm pretty sure I drooled on the desk. Yea, I was falling asleep. So I figured the best thing to do was just get up and throw water on my face etc.) Doing that's been the only thing that's kept me awake at all this semester. Something about math just makes my brain shut down.
Back to the bathroom. I was in there washing my face when who comes in but the posse? So I'm uncomfortable, but I figure I'll just brazen it out, and get back to class. I mean, what can they really do that they haven't already? (throwing soda on me, pulling my shorts down, mocking me in general) but I was wrong. There's ALWAYS something else they can do.
Tina Fay says something like :"Look what dragged itself into our Ladies Room" and of course then the other two start laughing. I shouldn't really have been afraid, but Pam's something of an amazon and I have no doubt she'd take me down without putting a hair out of place, or breaking a nail. And her nails have a rep around school. I didn't say anything, just started for the door when Pam grabbed my shoulder and swung me around.
"Din't anyone ever tell you it's rude to turn your back?" and the next thing I know, she's got my arm twisted behind my back and is making me kneel on the floor. It's painful. I don't care what people say about "oh it's only twisted arm, it can't hurt that much." Screw you! It hurts like a bastard! Anyway, I'm kneeling on the crappy tile floor (it's gross. Supposed to be white and green, but it's like grey and algae colored from age and too many uses). I'm pretty sure at this point that one of them is gonna try to hit me. But no. Instead, Josie puts her face in mine and just stares at me.
I mean, wtf?
So I start thinking maybe this'll be ok.(aside from the arm thing, and the fact that my jeans are getting all icky from the floor).
I was wrong.
Tina Fay stepped forward, looked me in the eyes and then grabbed my hair and yanked my head sideways. I felt hair rip out of my head and my eyes teared up (I've made it a big thing to not cry at school if I can help it since it just makes jackals like them get more excited).
Then Josie says to me: "You're a lot of trouble, Raven. You don't really understand how kind we've been to you." I really wanted to spit in her face--you know, like the hero does in the movies--but I was pretty sure if I did I was gonna get the shit beat out of me. So maybe next time (after I study some kind of secret martial art, yea?) instead I just said "It sure doesn't seem like it from where I am." She got this weird little smile on her face and I swear, I think she was getting off on it. Freak.
"Do you know, Kirk and his teammates are more than willing for you to entertain them. All I'd have to do is have Pammy cart you off behind the gym. Text 'em and they'd line up for a go at you. If I were a mean girl, I'd do it just to watch."
Was this for real? Was I trapped in some kind of horrible, reform school/B movie? She might do it. Like I said, Josie likes to see how people squirm. And I had no doubt that the guys on the team would be up for it. I wouldn't but I'm sure that wouldn't matter. Was Josie that screwed up? I don't know, but I knew I didn't want to take the chance. So I did what anyone (who isn't a super hero) did, which is I played the way she wanted.
"Please, I don't--please don't!" I'm embarrassed to say that the desperation that was in my voice wasn't faked. I really didn't want to end up another legend of the school. And I'm sure that people'd love to see it as a follow up to the panty show. :{ I (apparently) was reacting the way she wanted because Josie stroked my face once, and then lifted my head up by my chin. I could feel the tears in my eyes (that arm hold was really throbbing and I was afraid. I think it's ok to be afraid in that situation, don't you?)
The door to the bathroom opened and a freshman came in. I've never seen such a quick turn around and exit. So much for help from that quarter. Not that I really expected it, but it would have been nice, you know?
Josie looked into my eyes and then she slapped my face hard. Then she did it again, and I mean like really hard. And I felt her ring scrape the skin on my face. Another slap. And another. Things went a bit screwy for me then, and I guess I must have said or did something that freaked them out because the next thing I know Josie & Tina Fay were backing up toward the door and looking all pale and scared, and Pam was lying on the ground with blood coming out of her nose. WTF?
I tried to say something but I just stared and felt all shaky. I was trembling. The looks they were giving me were like I was going to rip their throats out or something. I didn't know about doing that--but I figured I'd take the advantage and make a swift exit.
I scrambled to my feet, shoved them both out of my way and sprinted down the corridor.
I ran downstairs to my locker, and grabbed my backpack, my laptop and snuck out of school. I took the bus to the city library. There was no way I was gonna go back to school, and I hung out there until about 7pm (Jean called to find out where I was).
I'm still not sure exactly what happened, or why, or what Josie's beef is with me, but maybe whatever it is that happened to put that look on their faces will be enough to keep her from bothering me again.
I just wish I knew what it was.
Need I say that I did NOT want to go to school today? Yea, it's friday, and yea, it's spring break next week (Yay, a week of reading and avoiding mockery & physical weirdness, thank you universe!). But I'll tell you honestly, I've been scared since yesterday. I'm on edge and shaky. Jean commented about it, and I gave her a super watered down version (nothing she can do about it so why tell her too much, you know?) and she was sure that I'd be fine and that Josie & co were just screwing with my head.
Today, I didn't hold out a lotta hope. Things didn't seem too bad. Started on a good note by the fact that Josie wasn't in homeroom. Which meant at least I didn't have to face her first thing. In fact, I didn't see her or Pam, or Tina Fay today. huh. In English I got my paper back on Vanity Fair and did ok. Ms.Hyde doesn't like to give anything over a B so getting an A- is pretty good. Got my math test back and did not get a B. I got a freakin C-.
Anyway, between 5-6th period I was in my locker and someone shoved me really hard. I hid my head on the shelf, cut my cheek AND ended up screwing up my glasses frames. So I'd had to find some tape to hold the arm back on. Assholes. I don't know how I'm going to explain that to Shay. ugh.
It's almost time to head home (can I say again, how glad I am that my last class of the day is a study hall?) and I'm going to totally eat whatever I want this weekend. I need some treats to make up for the crapload of horror this week has been.
In another 40 minutes it'll be time to leave and I'm so going to ditch the school bus, stop off at 7-11 and buy a giant ass slurpee. I deserve it!
Monday, April 8, 2013
Books and Me: a writer wannabe
I don't mention it a lot, but I do a massive amount of reading.
I read between classes, during lunch, on the bus home, at home, in the bathroom, in bed. Whatever. I do watch TV but not so much. (Partly because watching the TV means doing it in the den with whoever is in there) and partly because not so much of it appeals to me. Yea, I guess I'm a TV snob. I said it, you happy now?
Back to the books. Real, paper books. I don't have a kindle or an ipad or a nook (maybe for xmas??)
I'm a student & I'm strapped for cash most of the time. So what I read either comes from the city library, the school library (which is teh suck), and the few gifts I get from my friends (they all know I love gift cards to B&N & Amazon more than anything else). And hey, I'm careful about those--when I buy books on amazon I buy used, and I try to get as much as I can for as little as I can. (Don't even go there with me about getting a part time job, ok? Shay won't let me, and keeping up my gpa (it's 3.89--not 4.0 yet) so whatever.
I randomly picked some books last month. I got them in the mail and been slowly working my way through them (slowly is the operative term-I can read a 500 page novel in less than a day, so I have to limit myself to how much I can read each day--otherwise I'm stuck with no books to read. *sigh *
I picked these up:
The Seer King (Chris Bunch)
The Demon King (Chris Bunch)
Storm Front (Jim Butcher)
I just finished the Seer King this weekend and it was pretty good. I like his writing style even if, I'm not all that interested in the war related bits (which ok, do make up a lot of the story). I like the fact that it moves quickly, and that all the different cultures/societies/sets he uses feel real, like you could find whole other books related to them (there aren't though). The main protagonist is Damastes a Cimabue, basically a warrior who means well, loves his job and is struggling with his oaths to his friend/boss Liahs Tenedos. I'm not gonna spoil the book for you (incase anyone reads it) but it was good, and I started the sequel tonight. Yea, I know I'm kind of screwed since I didn't buy the last one in the series and it'll be a few weeks /month or so before I get enough to buy more from Amazon.
I always have that problem. One word of warning, there's at least one really steamy sex scene in it that I'd be worried if jean's parent's read it. So don't read it in class, yea?
Jim Butcher's Stormfront was really a lot better than I thought it would be. It moved at a pretty good pace (Thanks Jeff for suggesting them) and Harry Dresden is actually a guy I'd give a damn about if something happened to him in the story. The humor and dry wit in the book go a long way, as does the action. Yea. I don't generally go in for detective /crime novels but since this is a wizard detective it was worth a go. Am glad I did, though I'm gonna have to find more money to get more of the series. There're about 11 books in the series so far. Heh.
Anyway, it's time for dinner soon and it's "family night" here at the Warner household. So I gotta go down and do the family thing with Jean & her parents. See ya.
I read between classes, during lunch, on the bus home, at home, in the bathroom, in bed. Whatever. I do watch TV but not so much. (Partly because watching the TV means doing it in the den with whoever is in there) and partly because not so much of it appeals to me. Yea, I guess I'm a TV snob. I said it, you happy now?
Back to the books. Real, paper books. I don't have a kindle or an ipad or a nook (maybe for xmas??)
I'm a student & I'm strapped for cash most of the time. So what I read either comes from the city library, the school library (which is teh suck), and the few gifts I get from my friends (they all know I love gift cards to B&N & Amazon more than anything else). And hey, I'm careful about those--when I buy books on amazon I buy used, and I try to get as much as I can for as little as I can. (Don't even go there with me about getting a part time job, ok? Shay won't let me, and keeping up my gpa (it's 3.89--not 4.0 yet) so whatever.
I randomly picked some books last month. I got them in the mail and been slowly working my way through them (slowly is the operative term-I can read a 500 page novel in less than a day, so I have to limit myself to how much I can read each day--otherwise I'm stuck with no books to read. *sigh *
I picked these up:
The Seer King (Chris Bunch)
The Demon King (Chris Bunch)
Storm Front (Jim Butcher)
I just finished the Seer King this weekend and it was pretty good. I like his writing style even if, I'm not all that interested in the war related bits (which ok, do make up a lot of the story). I like the fact that it moves quickly, and that all the different cultures/societies/sets he uses feel real, like you could find whole other books related to them (there aren't though). The main protagonist is Damastes a Cimabue, basically a warrior who means well, loves his job and is struggling with his oaths to his friend/boss Liahs Tenedos. I'm not gonna spoil the book for you (incase anyone reads it) but it was good, and I started the sequel tonight. Yea, I know I'm kind of screwed since I didn't buy the last one in the series and it'll be a few weeks /month or so before I get enough to buy more from Amazon.
I always have that problem. One word of warning, there's at least one really steamy sex scene in it that I'd be worried if jean's parent's read it. So don't read it in class, yea?
Jim Butcher's Stormfront was really a lot better than I thought it would be. It moved at a pretty good pace (Thanks Jeff for suggesting them) and Harry Dresden is actually a guy I'd give a damn about if something happened to him in the story. The humor and dry wit in the book go a long way, as does the action. Yea. I don't generally go in for detective /crime novels but since this is a wizard detective it was worth a go. Am glad I did, though I'm gonna have to find more money to get more of the series. There're about 11 books in the series so far. Heh.
Anyway, it's time for dinner soon and it's "family night" here at the Warner household. So I gotta go down and do the family thing with Jean & her parents. See ya.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Why do I bother?
You've got to ask yourself sometimes, why bother?
I really can't explain why I didn't skip school today.
I should have.
It'd have been a much better day, and maybe, just maybe I'd feel ok. Instead I'm here, in Jean's room, stuffing my face with hostess cupcakes, pringles, Swiss rolls and coke. And I'll probably balloon up 10 pounds next week. Oh yay.
I wish I could explain to Jean's folks what's going on. Jean gets it, but she's sort of stuck. If she opens her mouth against Josie & Co then they'll start in on her, and well, who wants that?
So after yesterday, I really didn't think things could be worse--or more embarrassing.
I was wrong. I doubt I could have been more wrong if I'd tried.
Let me explain something. Josie Carson is evil. And she's probably one of the reasons my sister put a block on my talents before our folks went MIA. Josie lives to make people miserable. Not (IMO) because she wants to see them miserable, so much as I think she likes to see them squirm and try to cope with the problems she gives them. Now I managed to get her attention and I'm so much fun to watch that I'm getting the special treatment.
Enter Tina Fay and Pam. In the gym hallway. Tina Fay and Pam came down the hallway between 3/4th period. It was pretty crowded with kids going to and coming out of the locker-rooms. To be honest I wasn't really watching, since I was in a hurry to get to the locker-room myself. I like to get in and get changed before too many girls get in. I don;'t like changing in public, you know? I had my clean gym clothes with me in my back pack and I was just hoping since it was raining we'd do some free-play in the gym instead of v-ball or something spaztic like dodge ball.
I really should have paid attention.
I got into the girls locker-room and I threw my bag down and started to change.
I was hurrying up--shucking off my jeans, slipping on my shorts and then the fast-pull off of my sweater and on with the school tee shirt (Go Panthers! *not!*) anyway, I was trying to hurry back into the gym (through the hallway again) and wondering if Marie was going to be in class today (since she was my preferred gym partner) and the next thing I know someone's got my shorts and I feel like a little kid. I'm trying to move forward----but no movement.
It dawns on me about the same time the air hits my ass that there are hands --well Tina Fay and Pam had grabbed and yanked and my shorts were down and everyone could see super-clearly my wal-mart granny panties. I yanked my shorts back up and shoved past the pair of them, but I know anyone who was in the hall would have seen.
The rest of the day I kept getting asked if I was going to start modeling for Victorias Secret--or if the secret was the size of my pants! I'm so embarrassed, angry and frustrated. I'd kill Tina Fay in a heartbeat if she was in front of me and I could get away with it. But as it is, I know that Josie put her and Pam upto it, told them to do it. I'm sure there are photos of it on youtube or facebook by now.
I'm just glad it's friday, and I don't have to face those jerks for the weekend. Jean's trying to cheer me up, and suggested we hit JoAnn Fabrics tomorrow. She thinks we might find some new trim to put on our larping garb. Right now though, I wish I could just be invisible for the rest of the school year.
I really can't explain why I didn't skip school today.
I should have.
It'd have been a much better day, and maybe, just maybe I'd feel ok. Instead I'm here, in Jean's room, stuffing my face with hostess cupcakes, pringles, Swiss rolls and coke. And I'll probably balloon up 10 pounds next week. Oh yay.
I wish I could explain to Jean's folks what's going on. Jean gets it, but she's sort of stuck. If she opens her mouth against Josie & Co then they'll start in on her, and well, who wants that?
So after yesterday, I really didn't think things could be worse--or more embarrassing.
I was wrong. I doubt I could have been more wrong if I'd tried.
Let me explain something. Josie Carson is evil. And she's probably one of the reasons my sister put a block on my talents before our folks went MIA. Josie lives to make people miserable. Not (IMO) because she wants to see them miserable, so much as I think she likes to see them squirm and try to cope with the problems she gives them. Now I managed to get her attention and I'm so much fun to watch that I'm getting the special treatment.
Enter Tina Fay and Pam. In the gym hallway. Tina Fay and Pam came down the hallway between 3/4th period. It was pretty crowded with kids going to and coming out of the locker-rooms. To be honest I wasn't really watching, since I was in a hurry to get to the locker-room myself. I like to get in and get changed before too many girls get in. I don;'t like changing in public, you know? I had my clean gym clothes with me in my back pack and I was just hoping since it was raining we'd do some free-play in the gym instead of v-ball or something spaztic like dodge ball.
I really should have paid attention.
I got into the girls locker-room and I threw my bag down and started to change.
I was hurrying up--shucking off my jeans, slipping on my shorts and then the fast-pull off of my sweater and on with the school tee shirt (Go Panthers! *not!*) anyway, I was trying to hurry back into the gym (through the hallway again) and wondering if Marie was going to be in class today (since she was my preferred gym partner) and the next thing I know someone's got my shorts and I feel like a little kid. I'm trying to move forward----but no movement.
It dawns on me about the same time the air hits my ass that there are hands --well Tina Fay and Pam had grabbed and yanked and my shorts were down and everyone could see super-clearly my wal-mart granny panties. I yanked my shorts back up and shoved past the pair of them, but I know anyone who was in the hall would have seen.
The rest of the day I kept getting asked if I was going to start modeling for Victorias Secret--or if the secret was the size of my pants! I'm so embarrassed, angry and frustrated. I'd kill Tina Fay in a heartbeat if she was in front of me and I could get away with it. But as it is, I know that Josie put her and Pam upto it, told them to do it. I'm sure there are photos of it on youtube or facebook by now.
I'm just glad it's friday, and I don't have to face those jerks for the weekend. Jean's trying to cheer me up, and suggested we hit JoAnn Fabrics tomorrow. She thinks we might find some new trim to put on our larping garb. Right now though, I wish I could just be invisible for the rest of the school year.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Blarg. Or when things just go terribly wrong
Jean's mom must have meant well, but she went through our room (since Jean & I share) and she found our larping stuff that we'd put to one side. She threw it in the wash and my tunic is totally wrecked. >:()
The trim came off (raveled up and frayed at the same time--I don't know how it managed that) and it shrank. A lot. So now I have to make a new outfit. I'm trying to get jean to help me guilt her mom into paying for the fabric and stuff. I mean, if she hadn't touched it, I'd still have it--and be able to wear it, right?
At least I have a few weeks to get things sorted. Jeff's not gonna run the next larp until then.
Anyway, I need to get ready for school. Yesterday I didn't see Josie around and her minions left me alone for the most part. Except for the underwear remarks. I can handle those though. Let's hope today goes ok.
The trim came off (raveled up and frayed at the same time--I don't know how it managed that) and it shrank. A lot. So now I have to make a new outfit. I'm trying to get jean to help me guilt her mom into paying for the fabric and stuff. I mean, if she hadn't touched it, I'd still have it--and be able to wear it, right?
At least I have a few weeks to get things sorted. Jeff's not gonna run the next larp until then.
Anyway, I need to get ready for school. Yesterday I didn't see Josie around and her minions left me alone for the most part. Except for the underwear remarks. I can handle those though. Let's hope today goes ok.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Math trouble = Money trouble
So I'm totally not doing ok in Algebra.
I ought to be doing much better but I can't quite get it. I think it's stupid that I have to take the class (and pass it) since I don't want to be a scientist, or a math geek. I just want to write. You don't have to do much math for that---and besides, that's what calculators are for, right?
Anyway, my interim report put me into trouble. I don't think Jean's parents care too much one way or the other, but the fact that they made me call Shay with the results is another thing all together. Shay, predictably, went apeshit. On & on with the lecture about how was I going to get into a college with that kind of grade, and did I really think my GPA was going to be enough to get me any kind of financial aid package? And on. Ad nauseum.
So now I have to get a tutor.
And yea, I DON'T think that a C is hideous. I mean, it could be a lot worse (like an F). Shay's going to call the school tomorrow and arrange something. Blerg. I don't want to give up any of my free time to sit down and do extra math. It sucks. Plus Shay was on about how tutoring will be expensive & I need to pay extra attention etc so that I won't need so much of it. Money, money, money.
If I were rich I'd buy a place in the Catskills and live there and just write books and drink coke & eat Ben & Jerry's!
I ought to be doing much better but I can't quite get it. I think it's stupid that I have to take the class (and pass it) since I don't want to be a scientist, or a math geek. I just want to write. You don't have to do much math for that---and besides, that's what calculators are for, right?
Anyway, my interim report put me into trouble. I don't think Jean's parents care too much one way or the other, but the fact that they made me call Shay with the results is another thing all together. Shay, predictably, went apeshit. On & on with the lecture about how was I going to get into a college with that kind of grade, and did I really think my GPA was going to be enough to get me any kind of financial aid package? And on. Ad nauseum.
So now I have to get a tutor.
And yea, I DON'T think that a C is hideous. I mean, it could be a lot worse (like an F). Shay's going to call the school tomorrow and arrange something. Blerg. I don't want to give up any of my free time to sit down and do extra math. It sucks. Plus Shay was on about how tutoring will be expensive & I need to pay extra attention etc so that I won't need so much of it. Money, money, money.
If I were rich I'd buy a place in the Catskills and live there and just write books and drink coke & eat Ben & Jerry's!
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Why can't people just mind their own business?
What is it that makes the popular people at school feel they are entitled to make everyone else's life hell?
Come on, really?
*sigh* Today was totally a crap day.
First there was a pop quiz in chemistry (I totally blanked, so I'm sure it's a big fat F for me) and then Josie's crowd started in on me. One of herevil eagle eyed lackeys saw me out with the group Larping. So they've been snarking at me all day about how I like to dress up and "play pretend". Assholes.
Hello, I don't go looking to catch them out.
I bet if I did I'd find out that Josie blows the whole football team 3x a week (actually, I think I did hear something about that, but ....) You know what I'm saying, right?
Would it be terribly bad karma if I just begged the universe to drop a house on Josie & her clique?
Come on, really?
*sigh* Today was totally a crap day.
First there was a pop quiz in chemistry (I totally blanked, so I'm sure it's a big fat F for me) and then Josie's crowd started in on me. One of her
Hello, I don't go looking to catch them out.
I bet if I did I'd find out that Josie blows the whole football team 3x a week (actually, I think I did hear something about that, but ....) You know what I'm saying, right?
Would it be terribly bad karma if I just begged the universe to drop a house on Josie & her clique?
Sunday, March 31, 2013
CONTROL FREAAAAAAAAAAK
Yes, I'm talking about my sister.
I spent the weekend dealing with her and I am doubly glad that before my folks left on that last dig they left me in Jean's parent's care. If I had to live with Shay all the time I'd kill myself. I'd totally jump out the window or off the bridge or whatever it took to get away from her.
Let me tell you how the Sunday went:
Shay arrived at Jean's house on Saturday at 9am on the dot. Like she said she would.
Of course I wasn't quite ready, but I only had to brush my hair & change my clothes. Right? Um, no. She actually made me change my clothes into something "more acceptable". GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrr. Sorry that I don't wear designer clothes, and I hate wearing high heels and crap. She actually came up to the room I share with Jean and checked my clothes! Can you believe that? >:C
Eventually she realized that I was only gonna wear Jeans & T shirts (since that's ALL my wardrobe is! And I don't have a problem with it so why should she???) I mean it's not like I have lots of money to spare. Right now I get the occasional card in the mail from grandma Trudy, but I gotta make that last, and for the holidays & my birthday Jeans parent's give me money too.
I knooooow I should get a job but Shay pushes me so hard (YES--even though she's half a state away!!) that she's made it clear I need to get the best grades possible and that I better not get a job if I don't want her making a scene. *sigh* What am I supposed to do? I said something about that to her. (Ok, it WAS under my breath, but that still kind of counts, right?).
Whatever.
Back to what she came to visit for:
Like I said, no word on the parents.
Not that I expected any.
I think they've either fallen in with some locals, been kidnapped, or just died of some weird ass disease from picking up old bones & pots. I guess they have to be missing for another couple more years before Shay can have them legally declared dead and take their stuff (not that there's a lot, but I bet she can't wait anyway).
I know it sounds terrible but I really don't think they're alive. It's been almost 2 years now since they left...years since I had a letter or a post card or anything. Grandma Trudy says to "keep believing" but...I think she just says that because she can't accept it. Yea, it doesn't feel good to think about it. To know that I'm never gonna see them again. And yea, I do cry. I miss them both a lot, and I wish I'd been a better kid when they were around, you know. And yea, I dream about them.
Ok, ok, enough with the depressing crap. I am trying to keep focused and not be a big downer, you know?
Basically Shay came to give me a hard time about my grades (& how I'm doing in school and to push me about what I want to do about college).
My 3.89 gpa isn't enough it's got to be a 4.0 :( bleh. Who's the one suffering through freakin math and science? Huh? ME! It sure doesn't come easy and it's only as high as it is because I get tutoring. (which hello, costs money!) Hello? I'm not even thinking about it! Next year is my senior year and I'll be taking my SATs and stuff then. I'm not gonna be all hyped about it now, why should I? Yea, I guess college would be good but...why think about it now?
Shay's given me a whole bunch of books & things that she wants me to study until the summer. She's mentioned Quinlan University a few times and entrance exams...
I don't know how I feel about that--yea, it's a great school but then, Shay'd have to remove the block on my abilities ..and then I'd have to really start _doing_ stuff with my talents. That's pretty scary IMO. I mean I saw some of the stuff Dad could do and I dunno that I want to screw with stuff like that.
I know Shay does (I mean she has to right, she teaches how to do enchantments and stuff) but me? I just think I'd screw things up or mess a spell up and just make a fool of myself (if something didn't end up ripping out my heart and eating it first). Not to mention the fact that she'd probably end up being one of my teachers, and always ALWAYS be hanging over my shoulder to see what I'm doing or telling me what to do! (I really don't know that I could stand that!!!!)
You can see what I'm saying about this, right?
Why being a writer seems like a lot safer bet? (Ok, I know a lot of stuff just from growing up and watching my folks, but do I feel confident enough to do it myself?? Hell no!) But... if I had a degree from Quinlan, I bet it'd look a lot better on a query letter to an agent. And I mean, they're a university, so they might have a good English department. I could probably take creative writing there or something...And then there's the fact that it's an expensive school. One of the ivy-leaguers & I don't want to think about it. I mean, ok, I might get some decent financial aid since Shay works there, but whatabout the rest of it?
You know, the girls would all be like Shay? *looks down nose at everyone*
All about how you dress, what you wear, what you listen to, who you like?
I bet it's horrible. Like the girls from 90210 or Gossip Girl .
Bitches w/ money & credit Cards. I'd fit in a lot better at SUNY Geneseo.
Whatever.
That's like more than a year away.
So I'll deal with it then.
Who knows, maybe a miracle will happen and the folks will come home?
Or aliens will blow up the planet.
The only thing I know is that I have a pile of 10 books from Shay and all of them are magic related. Ugh. Boooooring! At least Jean's cool about it since she knows some magic too. I bet you that's half the reason my folks let her family take me in. I don't care what Shay says about them being "lacking" class -- whatever!
She had to leave early today (Yay!) so she was gone before 2pm! Yay! I actually get a bit of the weekend for myself! She took me out shopping yesterday (or tried to) but I hated all the things she picked out, and she just kept making fat comments. So I ended up with nothing (which suits me fine).
Oh. Wait. I forgot--she bought me a can of slim-fast.
:C
I spent the weekend dealing with her and I am doubly glad that before my folks left on that last dig they left me in Jean's parent's care. If I had to live with Shay all the time I'd kill myself. I'd totally jump out the window or off the bridge or whatever it took to get away from her.
Let me tell you how the Sunday went:
Shay arrived at Jean's house on Saturday at 9am on the dot. Like she said she would.
Of course I wasn't quite ready, but I only had to brush my hair & change my clothes. Right? Um, no. She actually made me change my clothes into something "more acceptable". GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrr. Sorry that I don't wear designer clothes, and I hate wearing high heels and crap. She actually came up to the room I share with Jean and checked my clothes! Can you believe that? >:C
Eventually she realized that I was only gonna wear Jeans & T shirts (since that's ALL my wardrobe is! And I don't have a problem with it so why should she???) I mean it's not like I have lots of money to spare. Right now I get the occasional card in the mail from grandma Trudy, but I gotta make that last, and for the holidays & my birthday Jeans parent's give me money too.
I knooooow I should get a job but Shay pushes me so hard (YES--even though she's half a state away!!) that she's made it clear I need to get the best grades possible and that I better not get a job if I don't want her making a scene. *sigh* What am I supposed to do? I said something about that to her. (Ok, it WAS under my breath, but that still kind of counts, right?).
Whatever.
Back to what she came to visit for:
Like I said, no word on the parents.
Not that I expected any.
I think they've either fallen in with some locals, been kidnapped, or just died of some weird ass disease from picking up old bones & pots. I guess they have to be missing for another couple more years before Shay can have them legally declared dead and take their stuff (not that there's a lot, but I bet she can't wait anyway).
I know it sounds terrible but I really don't think they're alive. It's been almost 2 years now since they left...years since I had a letter or a post card or anything. Grandma Trudy says to "keep believing" but...I think she just says that because she can't accept it. Yea, it doesn't feel good to think about it. To know that I'm never gonna see them again. And yea, I do cry. I miss them both a lot, and I wish I'd been a better kid when they were around, you know. And yea, I dream about them.
Ok, ok, enough with the depressing crap. I am trying to keep focused and not be a big downer, you know?
Basically Shay came to give me a hard time about my grades (& how I'm doing in school and to push me about what I want to do about college).
My 3.89 gpa isn't enough it's got to be a 4.0 :( bleh. Who's the one suffering through freakin math and science? Huh? ME! It sure doesn't come easy and it's only as high as it is because I get tutoring. (which hello, costs money!) Hello? I'm not even thinking about it! Next year is my senior year and I'll be taking my SATs and stuff then. I'm not gonna be all hyped about it now, why should I? Yea, I guess college would be good but...why think about it now?
Shay's given me a whole bunch of books & things that she wants me to study until the summer. She's mentioned Quinlan University a few times and entrance exams...
I don't know how I feel about that--yea, it's a great school but then, Shay'd have to remove the block on my abilities ..and then I'd have to really start _doing_ stuff with my talents. That's pretty scary IMO. I mean I saw some of the stuff Dad could do and I dunno that I want to screw with stuff like that.
I know Shay does (I mean she has to right, she teaches how to do enchantments and stuff) but me? I just think I'd screw things up or mess a spell up and just make a fool of myself (if something didn't end up ripping out my heart and eating it first). Not to mention the fact that she'd probably end up being one of my teachers, and always ALWAYS be hanging over my shoulder to see what I'm doing or telling me what to do! (I really don't know that I could stand that!!!!)
You can see what I'm saying about this, right?
Why being a writer seems like a lot safer bet? (Ok, I know a lot of stuff just from growing up and watching my folks, but do I feel confident enough to do it myself?? Hell no!) But... if I had a degree from Quinlan, I bet it'd look a lot better on a query letter to an agent. And I mean, they're a university, so they might have a good English department. I could probably take creative writing there or something...And then there's the fact that it's an expensive school. One of the ivy-leaguers & I don't want to think about it. I mean, ok, I might get some decent financial aid since Shay works there, but whatabout the rest of it?
You know, the girls would all be like Shay? *looks down nose at everyone*
All about how you dress, what you wear, what you listen to, who you like?
I bet it's horrible. Like the girls from 90210 or Gossip Girl .
Bitches w/ money & credit Cards. I'd fit in a lot better at SUNY Geneseo.
Whatever.
That's like more than a year away.
So I'll deal with it then.
Who knows, maybe a miracle will happen and the folks will come home?
Or aliens will blow up the planet.
The only thing I know is that I have a pile of 10 books from Shay and all of them are magic related. Ugh. Boooooring! At least Jean's cool about it since she knows some magic too. I bet you that's half the reason my folks let her family take me in. I don't care what Shay says about them being "lacking" class -- whatever!
She had to leave early today (Yay!) so she was gone before 2pm! Yay! I actually get a bit of the weekend for myself! She took me out shopping yesterday (or tried to) but I hated all the things she picked out, and she just kept making fat comments. So I ended up with nothing (which suits me fine).
Oh. Wait. I forgot--she bought me a can of slim-fast.
:C
Sunday, March 24, 2013
In Fantasy Land: I am not subjected to morons!
Last night's gaming session was good. Larry ran the adventure and He said it was a kick-over/tweak of the beginning of the Temple of Elemental Evil. That bit the adventurers always go through before they get to the "real" adventure. It was pretty good--I've looked at that module (can you call it a module when it comes like a graphic novel?) and I would've had a hard time seeing the adventure and changes that he made in it as having the same core material. I'm looking forward to seeing what else he changes and "tweaks" as we go along.
We had a new guy join our group too. His name is Trin (not sure what it is supposed to be short for. Terrence maybe?) and he seems nice enough. Short (about 5'7?) with dark hair and glasses. He's a student at the community college and is 18. He and Jean really seemed to hit it off. Hope she doesn't get all flirty with him. It's a gaming group, you know?
I know, I know. I shouldn't give her a hard time. Besides, if he's interested...well, good for them. Since the other weekend nothing at all from Kevin. He's totally back to treating me like one of the guys (Which I guess is good, though I suppose I'm disappointed he wasn't interested after all).
Jeff mentioned tonight that we might do a joint LARP with the group in Genesee Junction. He says it'll mean we could do some big scenes, and --heh--be able to try to set up a real court scene--cos the other group has got some nice digs. I hope that works out. But of course, if it does then I'd better get on to making some kind of fancy garb for Iskara to wear, right?
We had a new guy join our group too. His name is Trin (not sure what it is supposed to be short for. Terrence maybe?) and he seems nice enough. Short (about 5'7?) with dark hair and glasses. He's a student at the community college and is 18. He and Jean really seemed to hit it off. Hope she doesn't get all flirty with him. It's a gaming group, you know?
I know, I know. I shouldn't give her a hard time. Besides, if he's interested...well, good for them. Since the other weekend nothing at all from Kevin. He's totally back to treating me like one of the guys (Which I guess is good, though I suppose I'm disappointed he wasn't interested after all).
Jeff mentioned tonight that we might do a joint LARP with the group in Genesee Junction. He says it'll mean we could do some big scenes, and --heh--be able to try to set up a real court scene--cos the other group has got some nice digs. I hope that works out. But of course, if it does then I'd better get on to making some kind of fancy garb for Iskara to wear, right?
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Do I have kick me on my forehead?
If I don't, maybe I should get it tattooed there.
I really, really hate high school. And I hate all the people in it.
The adults are oblivious, and the students are just assholes.
I'm not exaggerating.
I'm not.
Today, I dunno.
I expected it to be a better day than I've been having lately. Stupid me.
I wore the t-shirt that Rob brought me back from NYC. You know, the white one with the I <3 NY on it. And a pair of jeans, and my knock off chucks. (Someday, yes, someday I will have a real pair of chucks).
So whatever, I was kind of feeling half-way decent about myself, you know?
I'd only eaten 3 snickers bars this week, and I haven't had any ice cream, and no donuts.
Good, you'd think, right?
Well you know what? Eating seems to be the only thing I'm getting much enjoyment out of.
Stupid people. Stupid me -- for thinking I could just ease-along and get through it, you know?
Back to the tattoo I should get on my forehead = Josie & her crew decided I offer endless hours of entertainment value to them. Today, during lunch she had almost the whole basketball team come over to the table where I was sitting with Shaun and Marie. They were both more interested in talking about what was on tv and who was gonna get what done. And I was really just trying to snarf down my food ASAP so I could get the hell out. I hate the cafeteria. I'd rather stand outside or walk around the parking lot (or hide in the library & read) than be there.
So Josie had them come over, one and 2 at a time and say to me : "Hey, princess, wanna play dress up with us?"
Ok, I know it doesn't sound like much, or too mean, but it really is. And Kirk Talleyrand and Matt Antherton grabbed their crotches when they did it. Ugh. Not a biggie, you say?
No, it's not I guess -- if I hadn't gotten up to leave. I figured I was done eating (I hate having people watch me when I eat, and it was like super uncomfortable to have 3 tables of kids watching every mouthful I took. And making fun of me.) So I throw my legs over the bench (Will there ever be a day when schools will let us sit at real tables instead of those fold away long bench/table combos?) and stand up, when Kirk and Matt come back over. I'm sure they're just going to come out with some more stunning repartee when kirk throws his Big Gulp on me (and can someone explain to me why the jocks of the school are allowed off campus for lunch??)
ALL OVER ME!
I was soaked. And then the pretended it was an accident and handed me some napkins. He was pretending to help me so that when Mr.Hallam looked it DID look like an accident. The worst thing? He leaned in and said "Your tits look massive when they're wet. Bet you'd love it if I came on them!"
He walked away after that and I'm afraid I looked like a total dumb ass because I'm pretty sure my mouth just dropped open.
Anyway, I ran to the bathroom after that, and tried to wash the coke out of my shirt without making it wetter (as if that was possible!). I went to my gym locker (ok, I sneaked) but I forgot that I'd taken my clothes home to wash. D'oh.
So I spent the next 4 periods wearing a clingy, mostly wet shirt and getting sniggered and snickered at. Last period was horrible since Josie and her two bitch-lieutenants were in there. I could hear them laughing at me all period. On the way out she pointed at me and I heard her make a comment about my bra.
Do I really have to go to school tomorrow? I'd like to stay home sick...
I really, really hate high school. And I hate all the people in it.
The adults are oblivious, and the students are just assholes.
I'm not exaggerating.
I'm not.
Today, I dunno.
I expected it to be a better day than I've been having lately. Stupid me.
I wore the t-shirt that Rob brought me back from NYC. You know, the white one with the I <3 NY on it. And a pair of jeans, and my knock off chucks. (Someday, yes, someday I will have a real pair of chucks).
So whatever, I was kind of feeling half-way decent about myself, you know?
I'd only eaten 3 snickers bars this week, and I haven't had any ice cream, and no donuts.
Good, you'd think, right?
Well you know what? Eating seems to be the only thing I'm getting much enjoyment out of.
Stupid people. Stupid me -- for thinking I could just ease-along and get through it, you know?
Back to the tattoo I should get on my forehead = Josie & her crew decided I offer endless hours of entertainment value to them. Today, during lunch she had almost the whole basketball team come over to the table where I was sitting with Shaun and Marie. They were both more interested in talking about what was on tv and who was gonna get what done. And I was really just trying to snarf down my food ASAP so I could get the hell out. I hate the cafeteria. I'd rather stand outside or walk around the parking lot (or hide in the library & read) than be there.
So Josie had them come over, one and 2 at a time and say to me : "Hey, princess, wanna play dress up with us?"
Ok, I know it doesn't sound like much, or too mean, but it really is. And Kirk Talleyrand and Matt Antherton grabbed their crotches when they did it. Ugh. Not a biggie, you say?
No, it's not I guess -- if I hadn't gotten up to leave. I figured I was done eating (I hate having people watch me when I eat, and it was like super uncomfortable to have 3 tables of kids watching every mouthful I took. And making fun of me.) So I throw my legs over the bench (Will there ever be a day when schools will let us sit at real tables instead of those fold away long bench/table combos?) and stand up, when Kirk and Matt come back over. I'm sure they're just going to come out with some more stunning repartee when kirk throws his Big Gulp on me (and can someone explain to me why the jocks of the school are allowed off campus for lunch??)
ALL OVER ME!
I was soaked. And then the pretended it was an accident and handed me some napkins. He was pretending to help me so that when Mr.Hallam looked it DID look like an accident. The worst thing? He leaned in and said "Your tits look massive when they're wet. Bet you'd love it if I came on them!"
He walked away after that and I'm afraid I looked like a total dumb ass because I'm pretty sure my mouth just dropped open.
Anyway, I ran to the bathroom after that, and tried to wash the coke out of my shirt without making it wetter (as if that was possible!). I went to my gym locker (ok, I sneaked) but I forgot that I'd taken my clothes home to wash. D'oh.
So I spent the next 4 periods wearing a clingy, mostly wet shirt and getting sniggered and snickered at. Last period was horrible since Josie and her two bitch-lieutenants were in there. I could hear them laughing at me all period. On the way out she pointed at me and I heard her make a comment about my bra.
Do I really have to go to school tomorrow? I'd like to stay home sick...
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Writing ideas--maybe?
I yesterday saw this cool bird on the way to school. I think it must have been a hawk or something. It looked so interesting up there in the sky. Miles (it seemed, I guess it was probably a lot less) of uninterrupted space and freedom.
I was going to work on my novella some more...but now I'm thinking maybe I should think about the characters I want to use and what kind of story I want to tell.
What I mean is: I really enjoy the fantasy stuff, and I don't know if the stuff I write will ever be "up there". But I want to try. And I need to really commit to a plot, and some characters. Last night I went through all my notebooks (would you guess I have almost 10 of them???! TEN!) and my notes. So many ideas but I don't do much with them, and it seemed like the ones I did do something with were pretty lame. I think it's fair to say that while I like reading "quest" and heroic fantasy, I really should leave writing it (and generating ideas for it) to other people.
I think my writing needs to be more about the characters than the places they go/things they have to do. I think. I ran across a link online to some writing tips by Holly Lisle and I'm going to check them out a little later (I've got a double studyhall tomorrow since Gym's cancelled). I'll see if she has any suggestions for getting it together and trying to write (when you feel all over the place)
I was going to work on my novella some more...but now I'm thinking maybe I should think about the characters I want to use and what kind of story I want to tell.
What I mean is: I really enjoy the fantasy stuff, and I don't know if the stuff I write will ever be "up there". But I want to try. And I need to really commit to a plot, and some characters. Last night I went through all my notebooks (would you guess I have almost 10 of them???! TEN!) and my notes. So many ideas but I don't do much with them, and it seemed like the ones I did do something with were pretty lame. I think it's fair to say that while I like reading "quest" and heroic fantasy, I really should leave writing it (and generating ideas for it) to other people.
I think my writing needs to be more about the characters than the places they go/things they have to do. I think. I ran across a link online to some writing tips by Holly Lisle and I'm going to check them out a little later (I've got a double studyhall tomorrow since Gym's cancelled). I'll see if she has any suggestions for getting it together and trying to write (when you feel all over the place)
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Wish it would rain
Sometimes I feel so damned lonely.
It's not just that I feel cut off --my folks are gone MIA -- my grandma is half way across the country and in a nursing home...my uber-controlling sister is 200+miles away.
It hurts sometimes, to watch Jean & her family.
They all seem so love-y-friendly-happy. Even when her parents are pissed off, you can still tell that they love her and Rob. I just feel like an outsider looking in. Seeing something I'll never have/never be a real part of.
Don't get me wrong. I'm really glad that they were willing to take me in (even if, I guess my folks had arranged for them to get some money each month for doing it--like rent/ food money). It's just that I really wish I had someplace to fit in, and to really be "at home". I guess I should look at it in the best way I can, which is it hasn't killed me (yet) so it should give me good material for when I want to write about an outcast/ unwanted character for a story.
I just wish I wasn't living it.
It's not just that I feel cut off --my folks are gone MIA -- my grandma is half way across the country and in a nursing home...my uber-controlling sister is 200+miles away.
It hurts sometimes, to watch Jean & her family.
They all seem so love-y-friendly-happy. Even when her parents are pissed off, you can still tell that they love her and Rob. I just feel like an outsider looking in. Seeing something I'll never have/never be a real part of.
Don't get me wrong. I'm really glad that they were willing to take me in (even if, I guess my folks had arranged for them to get some money each month for doing it--like rent/ food money). It's just that I really wish I had someplace to fit in, and to really be "at home". I guess I should look at it in the best way I can, which is it hasn't killed me (yet) so it should give me good material for when I want to write about an outcast/ unwanted character for a story.
I just wish I wasn't living it.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Yes! Yes, I AM ALL POWERFUL!
What freakin GREAT larp session we had tonight! Woooooooooo!!!!
I had a fantastic time--and I totally kicked ass!
Can't believe how late it is. Jean & I had to sneak in super-quiet.
My character, Iskara was in on all the secret deals & got to do some spying on the other camp. It was great! No, like reeeeeeeeallly great! And Kevin commented on my gown! Woo! It's nice to know he noticed (although I know he was trying to play it off as IC, I know he was really interested OOC! Hah!
(Jean agrees with me about that.) She wanted to take a bet about how long it would take before he got the guts to ask me on a date or something. Probably a looong time. I mean outside of the group-larps I'm always in jeans and t-shirts so it's not like I stand out. Next week (if I can scrape some cash together) I'm going to try to hit Goodwill and the thrift shop on Beeker Street. I'd like to make another set of garb.
I had a fantastic time--and I totally kicked ass!
Can't believe how late it is. Jean & I had to sneak in super-quiet.
My character, Iskara was in on all the secret deals & got to do some spying on the other camp. It was great! No, like reeeeeeeeallly great! And Kevin commented on my gown! Woo! It's nice to know he noticed (although I know he was trying to play it off as IC, I know he was really interested OOC! Hah!
(Jean agrees with me about that.) She wanted to take a bet about how long it would take before he got the guts to ask me on a date or something. Probably a looong time. I mean outside of the group-larps I'm always in jeans and t-shirts so it's not like I stand out. Next week (if I can scrape some cash together) I'm going to try to hit Goodwill and the thrift shop on Beeker Street. I'd like to make another set of garb.
Friday, March 8, 2013
Bummer: No gaming for me!
Jean's Grandparents are coming to visit this weekend. I guess it could be worse. I mean, Shay could come to visit me (again). That would be way worse than missing a weekend gaming.
But still, I wish (since they aren't like my grandparents) that I could still go. But I know I can't. Blergh!
I guess I'll spend most of the weekend up here in the bedroom. Maybe I can try to work on some ideas for a new story. I was thinking of trying to write some S&S and see what I can get to come out. It's sort of better than gaming in one way -- which is that I have control over what happens with the plot!
But still, I wish (since they aren't like my grandparents) that I could still go. But I know I can't. Blergh!
I guess I'll spend most of the weekend up here in the bedroom. Maybe I can try to work on some ideas for a new story. I was thinking of trying to write some S&S and see what I can get to come out. It's sort of better than gaming in one way -- which is that I have control over what happens with the plot!
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