The Dead Milkmen had it right....

Life is Shit.

Yeah, so I bet you can guess that things haven't worked out.
I'm not getting to go to the LARP session that is sooo going to rock. No, I guess I should have known it. I just should have known.  I should have realized that life couldn't possibly have been going THAT good for me.

I finished my finals this week (yesterday) and lo and behold Shay called this morning and totally and completely wrecked everything! I swear she's got some kind of mutant-super power that tells her when to do things that will screw up my life the most. Blergh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She's coming to pick me up on the 25th (Tuesday!!) and that's it.
She won't let me stay an extra weekend---the gaming weekend--even though Jean's folks offered to have her brother drive me to Quinlan and take my stuff with us. You'd think --I mean, that saves her hassle, so why not? I swear!

I have to go live with her in Quinlan, and try not to throw myself out of her apartment window. Life is so going to suck. No. Actually, suck doesn't even begin to cover it. Blergh!

I'd actually made good headway on my costume, and my props and for what?
What's the point now? I don't even think I can bring them with me since Shay will be all in my business and poking her nose in everything.

I'm going to bring my books with me, but I guess that'll probably be about it. Maybe...if things get sorted there, when I'm actually in classes--I'll make a friend and I can have Jean send the stuff to her. Meh. I mean how freakin screwed up does that sound? It's like I'm committing some kind of crime and trying to avoid getting caught. How come other kids don't have to deal with this kind of crap?

Why am I sooooo "special"? :{
At least I have a password on my laptop, you know? Or else she'd be reading all of this stuff too. Always nitpicking & finding faults.

So now, I have to start sorting through all the stuff I have here at Jeans and in her attic. I'm gonna have to decide what to take with me and what to tell her to keep or sell on ebay if she can. *sigh* Life really is shit.

Blergh! Double Bergh! *where are my cookies?*

Sometimes, the only thing in life worth having is food!
See these?

Jean's mom made them for us last night.
Look good, don't they? (Double dark chocolate...Mmmm!)  She said she did it as a treat for us, what with finals and stuff.

Stuff = Shay calling and making a mess of my life.

She made a dozen brownies. Jean ate 2, and I ate the rest.
Yes, I ate TEN BROWNIES in one night! In front of people (not just in the bathroom, by myself).
I just couldn't stop. They tasted so good, and the eating made me not think so much about all the other horrible crap that's going on. And yea, I'm eating a lot. I know I've gained 8-10 pounds in the last month...I'm not that happy about it, but I guess I'm really not that bothered either, or else I wouldn't keep gorging on food, right?

Randi's noticed and commented which I don't really appreciate. I don't comment when he's got a bad spate of zits so why does he feel free to comment on my weight?

Shay's emailed me 4 times now about making plans to go to Quinlan, and telling me what books she wants me to start studying etc. She called last night and I had to talk to her for about an hour --which sucked because I really wanted to watch Game of Thrones. Totally missed it. :(
Stupid Shay. She always has to mess things up. School, tv... whatever.

Anyway the food is good, and it goes a long way towards making me feel better. I mean, I'm going to miss out on my whole senior year, and graduation. And all the fun things like Senior Skip Day, and the Class picnic at Seabreeze Amusement park. How unfair is that?
Blergh.

Double Blergh is the fact that Jean's been really sneaky lately. I don't know what she's hiding but she's made a few comments that make me think she's up to something. When I ask her about it she just says I'm being paranoid. (Not impossible, but still...). Whatever.

And Josie and Co have been making trouble for me.
This morning was just so totally Blergh-tastic. No brownies left, no candy in my back pack and I get to school to find....a present from Josie. I know she did it since she's been giving me saccharine smiles all morning. The wave and grin in homeroom sealed my certainty. 
I'm sorry, but I really fail to see the humor in crazy gluing a dildo to my locker. How is that funny? It's gross. It's pervy. But it's not really funny. (maybe if someone'd drawn a face on it, or dressed it in some barbie clothes it'd have been sort of funny?) The only funny part was watching Ms.Kaplan notice it and go all ballistic. Ha hah hah! At least I didn't get into trouble.
Blergh.
Gimme some more brownies, please?

Sucktakular Sisters and why I wish I were an Only Child

Update. Ye-ah. You remember those tests?
The ones that Shay "arranged" for me to take re:early graduation/early entry to Quinlan University? Yeah. Those.

Got the results back today. I'm in 4th period (study hall again) and I wish I could just skip the rest of the day. I'd like a chocolate milkshake from Denny's and a Reuben sandwich. And a side of curly fries. And a piece of apple pie. With ice cream. I wonder if I can get Jean to skip 6th period to go for that?

Ok, ok back to the morning's news: 
Mr.Andrews called me to his office during second period and told me they'd had the results and that they were very good (except my math which is only average/low). He kept smiling and being so polite and cheerful about the whole thing. You know, he really thinks I want to graduate early! How dense are guidance counselors? I mean, really!
What he told me is that with the test results in hand, my previous academic record (very good/honor student) that I won't have any problem getting it approved. So great. Just great. Can you see my joy overfloweth? (If there was anti-joy I'm probably oozing that).

I can't be happy about this, even if it does mean I wouldn't have to deal with the bullying here next year...I mean, it might be worse at the university. I heard that a lot of universities and colleges have problems with hazing. I bet if they do that at Quinlan I'll be like prime-a-number-1 target. *sigh*

The only plus is that I don't have to worry so much about next week's Final Exams. I mean, if I passed these tests so well, I probably have most of the material down, right? (aside from math. That crap just goes in one ear and out the other.)

Whatever. Jean told me to look on the bright side--that there are usually more kids into social things and I'll probably find people who want to game & play RPGs with me. I hope she's right. I really do, since I think that, and reading will be the only fun I have there. If I get in.
If. I. Get. In.

Huh. What if despite my grades and all that I don't? Wouldn't that be great? (I mean, in the sense that I could stay here and finish out school? and have a REAL senior year???) I know, the chances are slim. Shay works there, she's probably doing all she can to make it happen.
I just wish she'd stayed out of it. In another year and a half I'd be old enough to be independent and move out. Out of her control. Now...Instead of living hundreds of miles away I'll be in the same town, in the same school. In the same building?

Blergh!
I wish I'd been an only child!

Tests Taken, Worlds forsaken

Took the stupid tests today.
I didn't throw them even though I guess I should have... I think I probably did ok on them, but they weren't really what I was expecting. I was expecting them to be more like the SATs but they were sort of--but peppered with things like the shrinks give you for personality tests. I don't know.

Anyway, the good news is that Shay's gone and it's Friday night.
Randi's gonna take me out to Denny's in a bit and after to the park, and tomorrow the group is gaming again. Thank god for that, seriously. I so need that after this week. I don't even care what we play (I don't think it'll be Ad&D this time, since last time Trin mentioned wanting to run something and he only does Sci-fi stuff. Maybe we'll play Champions or Star Wars or something. I just don't care right now. I just want to play and forget everything else.

Why fix it if it's not broken? AKA My sister-- ruler of my life :(

Wtf is my sister trying to do to my life? What!???
So she came into town on Monday and met me at school. I still wasn't clear on why exactly she was there. I didn't actually find out until Tuesday when I was in the office with Mr.Andrews and her. Then it came out. She'd been deciding what to do with me / deciding how I should live my life.

Essentially, she'd applied earlier in the year for me to be able to skip a grade. I feel really, really, no--utterly---retarded. I don't know why I didn't see it sooner.
With the exception of Algebra II all of the classes I'm taking are at AP level.
Stupid, Stuuuuuuuuupid. Increeeeeeeeeeeeedibly Stuuuuuuuuuuuuupid!

It's horrible.
And they aren't even listening to what I have to say. Wtf? Why even have me there in the first place if they're going to ignore me anyway?
This is so wrong! My sister, the college professor is schmoozing her way and blergh! Double Blergh!

Jean suggested that I could throw the tests (I have to take some kind of tests on friday) but I think it wouldnt matter. Shay's obviously determined about this, so I might as well lump it. I'd like to know how she managed to square it with her job. I mean, I'm a good student (now that my 3.89 is a few points closer to 4.0 thanks to Randi's tutoring) but I'm not exactly Ivy league material. And I'm only a junior. Early admission to Universities should be hard, right?

So what's she done?
How's she managed to get them to consider me at least? She wouldn't tell me other than to say that come August I'd have to go with her to Quinlan for a final interview. If that works out I'll start then, if not then I get shoved into some local High school there, in New Hampshire. WTF? Can't I even have my senior year at Rochester? I've been here for all 3 years so far. It isn't fair.
I so totally hate her!

Shay Strikes Back

I knew it was just too good to be true--that my sister, Shay was keeping quiet and (mostly) out of my life. It turns out that she's been talking to my teachers on the phone about how I'm doing and what kind of grades I've been getting. Blergh!

It's a good thing that Randi's been able to help me with the math as much as he has (although with the other stuff....not so much so.

He hasn't exactly pushed me for more, but you know.
I feel like he expects it. And I don't want to.) Huh. It's probably good that Shay doesn't know about that either--she'd probably lock me up in a nunnery somewhere after she chewed Randi to bits and spit him out.

So she's coming to town on the 16th to have a conference with my counselor, and she said something about tests I have to take. I thought she meant my finals (those are next month! Eeeek!) but now I'm not so sure.  I guess I'll find out then. But it sucks that she's going to be here. She'll be watching everything and telling me how everything I eat is going to make me fat(ter). Blergh! Like anyone cares, you know?

All good things come to an end

So I didn't post at all during the break. Sue me. I was really busy, between sewing new garb for larp-ing, hanging out with Jean, and reading. It was really great to have a break from all the BS. On the other hand, I also got a new math tutor, and had to talk to Shay for a bit.

First, about Shay: she basically called to tell me she was going on some kind of course for work and that she'd be out of contact for like 2 weeks or more. Big deal. Like I want to talk to her anyway, you know? She bitched about me needing new glasses (no surprise there), and she gave me the info for the tutor. His name is Randi, and he's a student at Kensington Prep. Apparently he's super math-geek. So whatever. I'm supposed to meet up with him on Monday (this week.)

Good news, is that Jean's mom finally caved in about wrecking our larp outfits in the wash last month. So she took us to Joanne Fabrics, and then to Patricia's Fabric House. Talk about some awesome fabrics! I can't imagine the day I'd ever be able to pay 20$ for a yard of fabric (oh, but it was sooooo gorgeous!) I can dream about that though. Gorgeous. So she told us that we could each have 50 bucks to spend to replace what was ruined. That's just way cool. Shay would never _ever_ do something like that.
Jean got a couple of different things, and I managed to find some nice blue fabric--enough to make an arwen type dress out of, and some brown & black fabric that I'm going to use to make a replacement tunic out of. Jean and I went halves on two spools of trim (it's awesome old gold looking on black with smaller bits of brighter gold all in a kind of semi woven/wavy pattern) then after that we hit the Goodwill and Jean found a pair of drapes made of velveteen  and I found an old pewter mug. Awesome, right?

So we've got a lot of sewing to do! Yay!

Math trouble = Money trouble

So I'm totally not doing ok in Algebra.
I ought to be doing much better but I can't quite get it. I think it's stupid that I have to take the class (and pass it) since I don't want to be a scientist, or a math geek. I just want to write. You don't have to do much math for that---and besides, that's what calculators are for, right?

Anyway, my interim report put me into trouble. I don't think Jean's parents care too much one way or the other, but the fact that they made me call Shay with the results is another thing all together. Shay, predictably, went apeshit. On & on with the lecture about how was I going to get into a college with that kind of grade, and did I really think my GPA was going to be enough to get me any kind of financial aid package? And on. Ad nauseum.

So now I have to get a tutor.
And yea, I DON'T think that a C is hideous. I mean, it could be a lot worse (like an F). Shay's going to call the school tomorrow and arrange something. Blerg. I don't want to give up any of my free time to sit down and do extra math. It sucks. Plus Shay was on about how tutoring will be expensive & I need to pay extra attention etc so that I won't need so much of it. Money, money, money.
If I were rich I'd buy a place in the Catskills and live there and just write books and drink coke & eat Ben & Jerry's!

CONTROL FREAAAAAAAAAAK

Yes, I'm talking about my sister.
I spent the weekend dealing with her and I am doubly glad that before my folks left on that last dig they left me in Jean's parent's care. If I had to live with Shay all the time I'd kill myself. I'd totally jump out the window or off the bridge or whatever it took to get away from her.

Let me tell you how the Sunday went:

Shay arrived at Jean's house on Saturday at 9am on the dot. Like she said she would.
Of course I wasn't quite ready, but I only had to brush my hair & change my clothes. Right? Um, no. She actually made me change my clothes into something "more acceptable". GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrr. Sorry that I don't wear designer clothes, and I hate wearing high heels and crap. She actually came up to the room I share with Jean and checked my clothes! Can you believe that? >:C

Eventually she realized that I was only gonna wear Jeans & T shirts (since that's ALL my wardrobe is! And I don't have a problem with it so why should she???) I mean it's not like I have lots of money to spare. Right now I get the occasional card in the mail from grandma Trudy, but I gotta make that last, and for the holidays & my birthday Jeans parent's give me money too.
I knooooow I should get a job but Shay pushes me so hard (YES--even though she's half a state away!!) that she's made it clear I need to get the best grades possible and that I better not get a job if I don't want her making a scene. *sigh* What am I supposed to do? I said something about that to her. (Ok, it WAS under my breath, but that still kind of counts, right?).

Whatever.

Back to what she came to visit for: 
Like I said, no word on the parents.
Not that I expected any.
I think they've either fallen in with some locals, been kidnapped, or just died of some weird ass disease from picking up old bones & pots. I guess they have to be missing for another couple more years before Shay can have them legally declared dead and take their stuff (not that there's a lot, but I bet she can't wait anyway).

I know it sounds terrible but I really don't think they're alive. It's been almost 2 years now since they left...years since I had a letter or a post card or anything. Grandma Trudy says to "keep believing" but...I think she just says that because she can't accept it. Yea, it doesn't feel good to think about it. To know that I'm never gonna see them again. And yea, I do cry. I miss them both a lot, and I wish I'd been a better kid when they were around, you know. And yea, I dream about them.

Ok, ok, enough with the depressing crap. I am trying to keep focused and not be a big downer, you know?

Basically Shay came to give me a hard time about my grades (& how I'm doing in school and to push me about what I want to do about college).

My 3.89 gpa isn't enough it's got to be a 4.0 :( bleh. Who's the one suffering through freakin math and science? Huh? ME! It sure doesn't come easy and it's only as high as it is because I get tutoring. (which hello, costs money!)  Hello? I'm not even thinking about it! Next year is my senior year and I'll be taking my SATs and stuff then. I'm not gonna be all hyped about it now, why should I? Yea, I guess college would be good but...why think about it now?

Shay's given me a whole bunch of books & things that she wants me to study until the summer. She's mentioned Quinlan University a few times and entrance exams...
I don't know how I feel about that--yea, it's a great school but then, Shay'd have to remove the block on my abilities ..and then I'd have to really start _doing_ stuff with my talents. That's pretty scary IMO. I mean I saw some of the stuff Dad could do and I dunno that I want to screw with stuff like that.

I know Shay does (I mean she has to right, she teaches how to do enchantments and stuff) but me? I just think I'd screw things up or mess a spell up and just make a fool of myself (if something didn't end up ripping out my heart and eating it first). Not to mention the fact that she'd probably end up being one of my teachers, and always ALWAYS be hanging over my shoulder to see what I'm doing or telling me what to do! (I really don't know that I could stand that!!!!)


You can see what I'm saying about this, right?
Why being a writer seems like a lot safer bet? (Ok, I know a lot of stuff just from growing up and watching my folks, but do I feel confident enough to do it myself?? Hell no!) But... if I had a degree from Quinlan, I bet it'd look a lot better on a query letter to an agent. And I mean, they're a university, so they might have a good English department. I could probably take creative writing there or something...And then there's the fact that it's an expensive school. One of the ivy-leaguers & I don't want to think about it. I mean, ok, I might get some decent financial aid since Shay works there, but whatabout the rest of it?

You know, the girls would all be like Shay? *looks down nose at everyone*
All about how you dress, what you wear, what you listen to, who you like?
I bet it's horrible. Like the girls from 90210 or Gossip Girl .
Bitches w/ money & credit Cards.  I'd fit in a lot better at SUNY Geneseo.
Whatever.
That's like more than a year away.
So I'll deal with it then.
Who knows, maybe a miracle will happen and the folks will come home?
Or aliens will blow up the planet.

The only thing I know is that I have a pile of 10 books from Shay and all of them are magic related. Ugh. Boooooring! At least Jean's cool about it since she knows some magic too. I bet you that's half the reason my folks let her family take me in. I don't care what Shay says about them being "lacking" class -- whatever!

She had to leave early today (Yay!) so she was gone before 2pm! Yay! I actually get a bit of the weekend for myself! She took me out shopping yesterday (or tried to) but I hated all the things she picked out, and she just kept making fat comments. So I ended up with nothing (which suits me fine).


Oh. Wait. I forgot--she bought me a can of slim-fast.
:C

Catching up

Got studyhall this morning so I'm making use of the wi-fi. I'm eating some french toast sticks & hashbrowns  from Happy Burger. Definitely Yummy even if it is all like 100% artificial! :P I have enough change to buy a frosty shake after classes and I think I'd better. I'm going to need it.

So like I predicted, the whole Valentines Day thing was lame.
The dance was horrible (I can't believe some of the dresses girls squeezed themselves into, or what some of them were doing in the tunnel between the Gym & the main HS campus. Eeeew.) I stayed for about an hour and a half but I ran into Gina and her "gang" and decided I'd find someplace else to be. Last thing I need is her making good that threat about holding me down for Kevin and Scott. Jean wasn't bothered about me leaving (since she was going to go out with Derek--they gave me a lift back to the house). Which is good. She's like my best friend and I really don't want to piss her off if I can help it.

My sister Shay is coming up to visit this weekend.*trying to contain my total lack of enthusiasm*
She's supposed to get here on Sat...Not staying with Jean's family, oh no. She's staying at one of the B&B's on the outskirts of the city. Good. If I can limit the number of times i have to wake up and see/talk to her the better.

Just thinking about seeing her (and having to spend the whole weekend with her) makes me cringe. And I just want to eat. I bet she's not going to let up about the weight I've gained since x-mas either. ugh. I mean, hello, does it matter in the long run how much I weigh?!! I want to be a writer--not an actress, or a newscaster or a model or anything that requires me to go out in public. Why can't she just let it be? Mom & dad never rode me about what I ate (or how much) so why she feels the right to do it is really -- ugh. See what I mean about she just jets my guts in a knot???

I probably won't be able to post over the weekend (at least not until sometime Sunday) since Shay will be around and she's too nosy for words. Besides she said on the phone she had some stuff to talk about and I guess I'll need to pay attention. Maybe she's heard something about where our parents are.....but I doubt it.