Blergh! Double Bergh! *where are my cookies?*

Sometimes, the only thing in life worth having is food!
See these?

Jean's mom made them for us last night.
Look good, don't they? (Double dark chocolate...Mmmm!)  She said she did it as a treat for us, what with finals and stuff.

Stuff = Shay calling and making a mess of my life.

She made a dozen brownies. Jean ate 2, and I ate the rest.
Yes, I ate TEN BROWNIES in one night! In front of people (not just in the bathroom, by myself).
I just couldn't stop. They tasted so good, and the eating made me not think so much about all the other horrible crap that's going on. And yea, I'm eating a lot. I know I've gained 8-10 pounds in the last month...I'm not that happy about it, but I guess I'm really not that bothered either, or else I wouldn't keep gorging on food, right?

Randi's noticed and commented which I don't really appreciate. I don't comment when he's got a bad spate of zits so why does he feel free to comment on my weight?

Shay's emailed me 4 times now about making plans to go to Quinlan, and telling me what books she wants me to start studying etc. She called last night and I had to talk to her for about an hour --which sucked because I really wanted to watch Game of Thrones. Totally missed it. :(
Stupid Shay. She always has to mess things up. School, tv... whatever.

Anyway the food is good, and it goes a long way towards making me feel better. I mean, I'm going to miss out on my whole senior year, and graduation. And all the fun things like Senior Skip Day, and the Class picnic at Seabreeze Amusement park. How unfair is that?
Blergh.

Double Blergh is the fact that Jean's been really sneaky lately. I don't know what she's hiding but she's made a few comments that make me think she's up to something. When I ask her about it she just says I'm being paranoid. (Not impossible, but still...). Whatever.

And Josie and Co have been making trouble for me.
This morning was just so totally Blergh-tastic. No brownies left, no candy in my back pack and I get to school to find....a present from Josie. I know she did it since she's been giving me saccharine smiles all morning. The wave and grin in homeroom sealed my certainty. 
I'm sorry, but I really fail to see the humor in crazy gluing a dildo to my locker. How is that funny? It's gross. It's pervy. But it's not really funny. (maybe if someone'd drawn a face on it, or dressed it in some barbie clothes it'd have been sort of funny?) The only funny part was watching Ms.Kaplan notice it and go all ballistic. Ha hah hah! At least I didn't get into trouble.
Blergh.
Gimme some more brownies, please?

Sucktakular Sisters and why I wish I were an Only Child

Update. Ye-ah. You remember those tests?
The ones that Shay "arranged" for me to take re:early graduation/early entry to Quinlan University? Yeah. Those.

Got the results back today. I'm in 4th period (study hall again) and I wish I could just skip the rest of the day. I'd like a chocolate milkshake from Denny's and a Reuben sandwich. And a side of curly fries. And a piece of apple pie. With ice cream. I wonder if I can get Jean to skip 6th period to go for that?

Ok, ok back to the morning's news: 
Mr.Andrews called me to his office during second period and told me they'd had the results and that they were very good (except my math which is only average/low). He kept smiling and being so polite and cheerful about the whole thing. You know, he really thinks I want to graduate early! How dense are guidance counselors? I mean, really!
What he told me is that with the test results in hand, my previous academic record (very good/honor student) that I won't have any problem getting it approved. So great. Just great. Can you see my joy overfloweth? (If there was anti-joy I'm probably oozing that).

I can't be happy about this, even if it does mean I wouldn't have to deal with the bullying here next year...I mean, it might be worse at the university. I heard that a lot of universities and colleges have problems with hazing. I bet if they do that at Quinlan I'll be like prime-a-number-1 target. *sigh*

The only plus is that I don't have to worry so much about next week's Final Exams. I mean, if I passed these tests so well, I probably have most of the material down, right? (aside from math. That crap just goes in one ear and out the other.)

Whatever. Jean told me to look on the bright side--that there are usually more kids into social things and I'll probably find people who want to game & play RPGs with me. I hope she's right. I really do, since I think that, and reading will be the only fun I have there. If I get in.
If. I. Get. In.

Huh. What if despite my grades and all that I don't? Wouldn't that be great? (I mean, in the sense that I could stay here and finish out school? and have a REAL senior year???) I know, the chances are slim. Shay works there, she's probably doing all she can to make it happen.
I just wish she'd stayed out of it. In another year and a half I'd be old enough to be independent and move out. Out of her control. Now...Instead of living hundreds of miles away I'll be in the same town, in the same school. In the same building?

Blergh!
I wish I'd been an only child!

Why do I bother?

You've got to ask yourself sometimes, why bother?
I really can't explain why I didn't skip school today.
I should have.
It'd have been a much better day, and maybe, just maybe I'd feel ok. Instead I'm here, in Jean's room, stuffing my face with hostess cupcakes, pringles, Swiss rolls and coke. And I'll probably balloon up 10 pounds next week. Oh yay.

I wish I could explain to Jean's folks what's going on. Jean gets it, but she's sort of stuck. If she opens her mouth against Josie & Co then they'll start in on her, and well, who wants that?

 So after yesterday, I really didn't think things could be worse--or more embarrassing.
I was wrong. I doubt I could have been more wrong if I'd tried.

Let me explain something. Josie Carson is evil. And she's probably one of the reasons my sister put a block on my talents before our folks went MIA. Josie lives to make people miserable. Not (IMO) because she wants to see them miserable, so much as I think she likes to see them squirm and try to cope with the problems she gives them. Now I managed to get her attention and I'm so much fun to watch that I'm getting the special treatment.

 Enter Tina Fay and Pam. In the gym hallway. Tina Fay and Pam came down the hallway between 3/4th period. It was pretty crowded with kids going to and coming out of the locker-rooms.  To be honest I wasn't really watching, since I was in a hurry to get to the locker-room myself. I like to get in and get changed before too many girls get in. I don;'t like changing in public, you know? I had my clean gym clothes with me in my back pack and I was just hoping since it was raining we'd do some free-play in the gym instead of v-ball or something spaztic like dodge ball.

I really should have paid attention.
I got into the girls locker-room and I threw my bag down and started to change.
I was hurrying up--shucking off my jeans, slipping on my shorts and then the fast-pull off of my sweater and on with the school tee shirt (Go Panthers! *not!*) anyway, I was trying to hurry back into the gym (through the hallway again) and wondering if Marie was going to be in class today (since she was my preferred gym partner)  and the next thing I know someone's got my shorts and I feel like a little kid. I'm trying to move forward----but no movement.
It dawns on me about the same time the air hits my ass that there are hands --well Tina Fay and Pam had grabbed and yanked and my shorts were down and everyone could see super-clearly my wal-mart granny panties. I yanked my shorts back up and shoved past the pair of them, but I know anyone who was in the hall would have seen.

The rest of the day I kept getting asked if I was going to start modeling for Victorias Secret--or if the secret was the size of my pants! I'm so embarrassed, angry and frustrated. I'd kill Tina Fay in a heartbeat if she was in front of me and I could get away with it. But as it is, I know that Josie put her and Pam upto it, told them to do it. I'm sure there are photos of it on youtube or facebook by now.

I'm just glad it's friday, and I don't have to face those jerks for the weekend.  Jean's trying to cheer me up, and suggested we hit JoAnn Fabrics tomorrow. She thinks we might find some new trim to put on our larping garb. Right now though, I wish I could just be invisible for the rest of the school year.

CONTROL FREAAAAAAAAAAK

Yes, I'm talking about my sister.
I spent the weekend dealing with her and I am doubly glad that before my folks left on that last dig they left me in Jean's parent's care. If I had to live with Shay all the time I'd kill myself. I'd totally jump out the window or off the bridge or whatever it took to get away from her.

Let me tell you how the Sunday went:

Shay arrived at Jean's house on Saturday at 9am on the dot. Like she said she would.
Of course I wasn't quite ready, but I only had to brush my hair & change my clothes. Right? Um, no. She actually made me change my clothes into something "more acceptable". GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrr. Sorry that I don't wear designer clothes, and I hate wearing high heels and crap. She actually came up to the room I share with Jean and checked my clothes! Can you believe that? >:C

Eventually she realized that I was only gonna wear Jeans & T shirts (since that's ALL my wardrobe is! And I don't have a problem with it so why should she???) I mean it's not like I have lots of money to spare. Right now I get the occasional card in the mail from grandma Trudy, but I gotta make that last, and for the holidays & my birthday Jeans parent's give me money too.
I knooooow I should get a job but Shay pushes me so hard (YES--even though she's half a state away!!) that she's made it clear I need to get the best grades possible and that I better not get a job if I don't want her making a scene. *sigh* What am I supposed to do? I said something about that to her. (Ok, it WAS under my breath, but that still kind of counts, right?).

Whatever.

Back to what she came to visit for: 
Like I said, no word on the parents.
Not that I expected any.
I think they've either fallen in with some locals, been kidnapped, or just died of some weird ass disease from picking up old bones & pots. I guess they have to be missing for another couple more years before Shay can have them legally declared dead and take their stuff (not that there's a lot, but I bet she can't wait anyway).

I know it sounds terrible but I really don't think they're alive. It's been almost 2 years now since they left...years since I had a letter or a post card or anything. Grandma Trudy says to "keep believing" but...I think she just says that because she can't accept it. Yea, it doesn't feel good to think about it. To know that I'm never gonna see them again. And yea, I do cry. I miss them both a lot, and I wish I'd been a better kid when they were around, you know. And yea, I dream about them.

Ok, ok, enough with the depressing crap. I am trying to keep focused and not be a big downer, you know?

Basically Shay came to give me a hard time about my grades (& how I'm doing in school and to push me about what I want to do about college).

My 3.89 gpa isn't enough it's got to be a 4.0 :( bleh. Who's the one suffering through freakin math and science? Huh? ME! It sure doesn't come easy and it's only as high as it is because I get tutoring. (which hello, costs money!)  Hello? I'm not even thinking about it! Next year is my senior year and I'll be taking my SATs and stuff then. I'm not gonna be all hyped about it now, why should I? Yea, I guess college would be good but...why think about it now?

Shay's given me a whole bunch of books & things that she wants me to study until the summer. She's mentioned Quinlan University a few times and entrance exams...
I don't know how I feel about that--yea, it's a great school but then, Shay'd have to remove the block on my abilities ..and then I'd have to really start _doing_ stuff with my talents. That's pretty scary IMO. I mean I saw some of the stuff Dad could do and I dunno that I want to screw with stuff like that.

I know Shay does (I mean she has to right, she teaches how to do enchantments and stuff) but me? I just think I'd screw things up or mess a spell up and just make a fool of myself (if something didn't end up ripping out my heart and eating it first). Not to mention the fact that she'd probably end up being one of my teachers, and always ALWAYS be hanging over my shoulder to see what I'm doing or telling me what to do! (I really don't know that I could stand that!!!!)


You can see what I'm saying about this, right?
Why being a writer seems like a lot safer bet? (Ok, I know a lot of stuff just from growing up and watching my folks, but do I feel confident enough to do it myself?? Hell no!) But... if I had a degree from Quinlan, I bet it'd look a lot better on a query letter to an agent. And I mean, they're a university, so they might have a good English department. I could probably take creative writing there or something...And then there's the fact that it's an expensive school. One of the ivy-leaguers & I don't want to think about it. I mean, ok, I might get some decent financial aid since Shay works there, but whatabout the rest of it?

You know, the girls would all be like Shay? *looks down nose at everyone*
All about how you dress, what you wear, what you listen to, who you like?
I bet it's horrible. Like the girls from 90210 or Gossip Girl .
Bitches w/ money & credit Cards.  I'd fit in a lot better at SUNY Geneseo.
Whatever.
That's like more than a year away.
So I'll deal with it then.
Who knows, maybe a miracle will happen and the folks will come home?
Or aliens will blow up the planet.

The only thing I know is that I have a pile of 10 books from Shay and all of them are magic related. Ugh. Boooooring! At least Jean's cool about it since she knows some magic too. I bet you that's half the reason my folks let her family take me in. I don't care what Shay says about them being "lacking" class -- whatever!

She had to leave early today (Yay!) so she was gone before 2pm! Yay! I actually get a bit of the weekend for myself! She took me out shopping yesterday (or tried to) but I hated all the things she picked out, and she just kept making fat comments. So I ended up with nothing (which suits me fine).


Oh. Wait. I forgot--she bought me a can of slim-fast.
:C